Used To B

Just a Reminder

2010-06-28T15:24:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to remind anyone who is following me, that I have moved my blog to To Be Me. If you are so inclined, you may want to edit your blog roll. If I am even on your blog roll If you are not so inclined, I hope you are having a great summer.

B

I Think I Can, I Think I Can

2010-06-09T05:24:00.000-07:00

Well folks, I think I've finally figured out how to move one blog to the other one. This done with much wailing and gnashing of teeth. I had a meltdown last night trying to figure it out, but I just walked away. I prayed about it last night and during the night it came to me what I was doing wrong. I'm sure LeLe is glad since I was pestering her relentlessly with said wailing and gnashing of teeth. The only real problem I have now, is that when I imported this one, all the blogs I follow didn't import with it. If I can't figure out how to import them, I will be a long time adding them one by one.

So with that, I very respectfully request you change your book marks to here. I will be working on adding all the bells and whistles back to it as the days progress. And no new posts will be added here. If you so choose not to bother "following" me to the other site, then I would like to thank you for your support and input on this blog. May God richly bless you and your family.

Belinda

Change is Hard #2

2010-06-08T12:58:00.000-07:00

I can't believe how involved it is to simply change your email address. The mail part is simple enough, but the blog stuff, google reader, etc. is a nightmare. So much so, that I will have to create a whole new blog address if I want to change my google account and email. So, I'm contemplating that rigamarole. My only real concern is that all my followers will disappear. It's taken me this long to get the few I have, and I really REALLY don't want them to disappear. I'll have to pray about it some before I decide to try transferring everything. In the meantime, I will go ahead and create the new blog address, so it will be ready for me when and if I do. Can't hurt to have it ready.

The second change today is not so hard. As a matter of fact, it's really cool.

The handyman finally made some real progress on the deck cover. I've been waiting impatiently for him to get a chance to work on it. I guess that's the hard part about this change.

If nothing happens to prevent it, he will be back tomorrow to work more. I'm so ready for this to be finished!

Change is Hard

2010-06-07T08:19:00.000-07:00

I like change. I like variety, but sometimes for me, change is hard. Especially when it involves computer issues. Take email for example. *huge frown here* My yahoo mail is beginning to make me very very angry. It takes forever to load, to move between messages, etc. I've searched for possible fixes and read the FAQs, but no one has a suggestion that helps. I've done everything there is to do and still it doesn't help.

I have a gmail account, and I could begin using that, but changing it would mean contacting everyone I know, going to websites and changing the link, and other time consuming work. I like the computer, but not that much. I've tried changing my web browser to Firefox, but I have problems with it as well. What to do, what to do....

I've also considered deleting this particular blog, and just using The Seam Rippers. It's confusing and a little frustrating using two different ones. I suppose I could post the same thing on both of them, but that doesn't feel right either.

My personal life has changed for the better lately. Having Little Man Win in our lives is a wondrously marvelous blessing. It is also tiring. I'm not getting any younger and it does tend to wear on me a little. Not enough that I have to holler calf rope and tell LeLe no when I get a chance to see him! My routine has changed drastically and I've got to get back into a regular pattern. My eating and exercise regime has taken a big hit.

So, while I contemplate all I will have to do to change my email address, here is the latest from our time with Win.

Wondering what is going on....

J and K newly engaged

J and Pappaw

Great Grandpa Winston (Pappaw)

GrGrMa, LeLe and Nanna with Win

Great Grandmother Winston (Mammaw)

It's My Birthday

2010-06-04T09:32:00.000-07:00

I'm one month old today! Yaaay! We spent yesterday in Hot Springs doing a little shopping. Mom got a couple of things, Nanna did too, but I got four, yes FOUR new outfits. My little body is not fitting the newborn or 0-3 month sizes, so we had to search for some small things we thought would fit. Do you like my monkey suit? My Daddy loves monkeys, so we try to make him happy occasionally.

He's holding me here so you can see the monkey face on my bottom. *snicker* My mom and Nanna thought that was hilarious. We had a pretty good time, even if it was hot, and we stayed just a smidgen too long for my taste. I was pretty easy to take care of, and didn't fuss much. I like riding in the car and the stroller. I had a bottle while Mom and Nanna ate at Red Lobster. I'll be happy when I can eat that good stuff. Mom says the books all say not till 6 months can I have solid food, but I'm thinking I'll decide that myself when I'm ready.

See how much I've grown? I'm going to be a big boy before you know it. Nanna says she's gonna put a brick bat on my head to keep me from growing up. (My great great grandma used to say that about her!)

Well, I have lots of celebrating to do, so I'm going to end this post. Thanks for stopping by!

Sunday Fun

2010-05-30T15:59:00.000-07:00

This afternoon, we traveled to Arkadelphia to see our new great-nephew. Wow, that sounds really old doesn't it? Older than Nanna and Grandpa sounds.

In this photo is Winston (on the right) and Bryce, who is two weeks younger. Bryce is a bit larger but he weighed more at birth too.

And here they are with their great grandfather who just can't stand to be left out of the photos.....*wink*

We all enjoyed loving on the babies and complementing each other on our grandchildren. Win will be one month old on Friday. I can't believe it! In honor of his birthday, I created this for him. Can't wait to see him wear it.

We had some happy news yesterday. J popped the question to K and they are ENGAGED! We are thrilled. No plans for the wedding yet, but I'll be sure to post when I find out.

HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY EVERYONE! REMEMBER.........

Back Up

2010-05-29T06:34:00.000-07:00

We are slowly heading back up the mountain. Or maybe we are meandering around the foothills anyway. I got Mom home at around 10:00 p.m. last night. She had a pretty good day yesterday and was feeling her oats. The doctor finally allowed her to have some solid food, and she was finally able to eat it.

This whole ordeal was caused by some unknown infection in her colon. Of course her blood levels were very low when she contracted whatever it was and it could have been any little thing. The doctors were concerned at first that the spot on her CT scan may be a new cancer, but it was all resolved. God answers prayer.

I have had a rough four days. It's hard taking care of your aging parent by yourself, I'm not going to deny it. My siblings either have children at home, or a job they can't leave, or live too far away to be much help. Thursday was a bad day for both of us, and I needed a LOT of prayer. Fortunately, I have so many friends who are prayer warriors, that yesterday was a breeze! Thank you all for that.

Now I'm sort of lost. We had a big gathering planned for today that won't happen now. I'm free for the entire day for a change and am just unsettled. The house needs cleaning desperately, blogs need to be caught up on, and I need a fix of Little Man Win. Yet, I sit here in front of this computer. So, I suppose I must make a decision and get moving.

I hope everyone has a safe and happy Memorial Day weekend. And on that note, I will post a photo of my father, who was a 20 year veteran of the USMC. I still miss him more than words can say after 5 years.
I love you Daddy. Thank you for protecting our way of life and our country in Korea and Vietnam.

1rst Sgt A.J. Brown, USMC. Served from 1951 to 1971.

If you want to view a memorial page I created for him, go here.

Mountains and Valleys

2010-05-27T18:01:00.000-07:00

The last several months, I have had it pretty easy. Lots of great things happening, a new baby to adore, my backyard shaping up, really getting some painting and quilting done. All has been right with the world, and I've thanked God for my life being how it is just about every day before I even get out of bed. Been on the mountain top man. M O U N T A I N T O P I tell ya. But in the back of my mind, the nagging thought runs round and round. This is just too good to last. So, I kept expecting the bottom to fall out, or something major to change.

Here comes my valley. My mom is sick again. I've spent the last three days at the hospital with her and we really won't know exactly what's happening until tomorrow. Symptoms started out like a virus, her labs were bad, and she felt bad, so we wound up in the ER. Two units of blood and IV fluids later, she is still sick as a dog (as they say in the south) and a CT of her abdomen is showing something fishy. She was in a closer smaller hospital, simply because it's easier for me to deal with her there. The drive is not so hard, the patient load not so demanding, and they have always treated her well. This is above their capabilities, so they sent her to UAMS to get back under the care of her oncologist.

Tomorrow we will see what is what. And you know, it will be what it will be. God is in control and I have faith that He will work His will. The fatigue and uncertainty, the lack of knowing what to do....those are the things that are getting to me. I am thankful I have a couple of sisters who can help me a little. One still has children at home and it's hard for her to help, but she does all she can. The other has a very demanding job, and is not able to help much. My other two siblings live too far away to help at all. But if I can get a breather, I can handle it. (With God's help)

I'll keep you posted as I can. If you think of us, say a little prayer. They are always welcome.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

2010-05-22T13:57:00.000-07:00

New post on The Seam Rippers.

Florals

2010-05-21T12:56:00.000-07:00

It was a gorgeous, sunny day and I had to bring out the camera. Some of the blooms in my yard were begging to be immortalized digitally, and there was nothing I could do but relent. Above is clover beside my hydrangea.

The first bloom on the lavender I planted last spring.

The blooms on my new hydrangea, and one bloom beginning on the old bush that has been moved 4 times. I'ts a wonder it still survives.

A lily getting ready to burst into bloom.

The wind was blowing and getting a good shot of the petunias as they waved in the breeze was a struggle.

All but the lavender was in the front yard. The backyard is doing well, but nothing whispered to the camera...

(New post on The Seam Rippers)

Upheaval

2010-05-19T10:08:00.000-07:00

There's so much going on that I can't keep it all straight. I'm just the grandmother, but for some reason my routine has been shot all to pieces. That's ok, I'm not complaining, just a little surprised.

The following is a list of what is going on in my world and my head.

Visiting Little Man Win. Frequently.

Taking my Mom for her LAST CHEMO TREATMENT. Can I get an Amen?! (Next month she will get a CT to make sure all is gone)

Working on some craft projects: A grouping of three canvases for J and K, and pillows for their couch. A new quilt idea. Some baby things since it will be easier to keep some things here for Win than to carry them back and forth from his house to mine every time he comes.

Our back porch redo. We have the moulding pulled off the door frame to replace it when the handy-man can get here.

Going to the doctor myself for a variety if reasons. Yearly checks, and some pretty nasty pain in my neck and shoulders. Gotta get that fixed if I want to enjoy Winston.

Trying to keep up with my exercise regimen and healthy eating choices. Not easy with the upheaval in my life of late.

Nothing major, but lots of busy-ness. God is good and life is great.

Now, you didn't think you would get away without a picture of Little Man....did you?

K and Winston

J getting the hang of feeding a newborn.

Having a good time with the baby.

LeLe, my Mom, Winston and Me.

Back to the Yard

2010-05-14T07:37:00.000-07:00

Ok, so here is a post that is not about my precious new grandson.... *heavy sigh*

As shown in earlier posts, we are replacing and covering our back porch/deck. I thought I'd show you how the deck part turned out.

BEFORE

You can't really tell much, but these are brand new treated boards. They aren't nailed down right here, but you get the idea.

AFTER

Since we are going to cover the deck, we needed to replace the old light fixture, as it was too tall for a roof.

BEFORE

AFTER

Not fancy or expensive, but just what we needed.

Our 33rd anniversary was on the 7th, so after we ran to the hospital to see Little Man Winston, we ran out to Lowes and got ourselves some chairs.

They aren't what I had in mind to begin with, but since I couldn't find any vintage/retro tulip chairs I could afford, these were my second choice. They are made of hard plastic and were only $17.00 each. I would love to have some cedar ones, but that will be a dream for the future. And I wanted them in the aqua blue color shown in the sale circular, but brown and green were the only choices at the store. I love green, so I can live with this. I considered trying to paint them, but decided to leave them be.

I found this plant stand at a flea market the other day for $10.00. I thought it would make a great base for an outside table.

I'm now on the hunt for the perfect thing to make a table top out of. I'm open to suggestions....

And I can't close this post out without a picture of my adorable, precious, wonderful grandson....(You knew I had to!)

The Latest Photo

2010-05-12T19:22:00.000-07:00

I promise every post from now on won't be about Little Man Win. But you will have to bear with me for a short time while the newness of grandparenting has me in its grip.

Isn't he precious?! And sleeping "so good" as we say in the south. SR and I babysat while LeLe and MK went to the store for a little while. Win slept the entire time. And that's ok because we got in some good snuggling time.

Life is good.

Quick Update

2010-05-11T16:45:00.000-07:00

Little Man Win is one week old today. He is precious of course, and a good baby. He hates a wet diaper, and screams while he's being changed, but calms down almost immediately when we finish changing him. He got used to sleeping on his stomach while in the NICU, but the pediatrician made it perfectly clear that is not acceptable. He's had a little trouble nursing, but after a consultation with a Lactation Counselor, he's doing great. And so is his Mama. LeLe and MK are beyond tired, but getting used to it all.

I've spent way more time with Win (and his parents) than I planned, but am not complaining one little bit. I wouldn't be anywhere else! Problem is, when I am at home, I go through withdrawal. :( His precious little body is so sweet to hold and pat on the bottom, which he loves by the way.

I don't have any recent photos, since I am usually pretty busy when I'm with him, but I hope to have more soon, so stay tuned.

Not So Fast...

2010-05-08T08:16:00.000-07:00

The day before we expected LeLe and Win to come home, he developed jaundice. So, into the bilibox he went. Apparently he developed dehydration as well, and wound up in the NICU at St. Vincent. There was lots of wailing and gnashing of teeth I can tell you!

The doctor did some testing, thinking Win might have some kind of infection, gave him IV fluids and antibiotics. The tests came back today and the only infection was in his eye. (Which we knew about, since it was matted and swollen and had been treated with drops.) So, good news is his eye is clearing up, his color is good, his temp is down and he will probably come home tomorrow.

God is good.

Little Man on the Scene

2010-05-04T18:44:00.000-07:00

Winston Ellis King has arrived....

Photo courtesy Erin Sandrick

7 lbs 9 oz, 18 1/2 inches long, born at 12:38 a.m. May 4, 2010 at St. Vincent's Infirmary, Little Rock, Arkansas. Son of Maburn E. and Leann King. Grandson of Steve and Belinda Winston, and Maburn and Peggy King, all of Sheridan, Arkansas.

How do you put into words the experience of becoming a grandparent for the first time? When you become a parent, the experience is so taxing and stressful, that in the end, you are floating and you are joyous and proud and very very tired. But..... when you hold your first grandchild in your arms for the first time, an indescribable feeling seems to build in your very being, until it explodes into something so monumental that words could never explain it. The results of that explosion are tears of unspeakable joy.

We waited a long time for this child. God's timing was perfect as always. He knew exactly when it was time for Win to join the family. Everything was in place. LeLe tried very hard to have him on her own. She was in labor for about 17 hours, when the doctor gave her the go ahead to push. After 2 hours of this, it was obvious Win was being held for ransome. He was finally freed by a swat team of one wielding a scalpel and all was well.

The family waited patiently in the wings, for each text message update from the parents to be. Every time my message indicator sounded, everyone stopped whatever they were doing. In certain situations, texting can be a very good thing.

I spent the day holding Little Man Win. And would have been no where else on earth for any reason. SR and I have discussed what kind of grandparents we want to be. What kind of experiences we want to share with him and what kind of memories we want to give him. The possibilities are endless.

I Finished It

2010-05-01T08:53:00.000-07:00

J's quilt is done. Check it out on The Seam Rippers!

Minor Milestone

2010-04-28T12:48:00.000-07:00

I've had the bushes that grew these roses for probably 25 years, and this is the first time EVAH that I've been able to cut them and put them in a vase. The peachy colored ones are now giving off a rosy fragrance too, and they've never done that before. Both roses came from my grandmother. The white ones were in my gr-great grandmother's yard. I take them with me, to wherever I am living at the time, and when I would normally have given up on them, I just moved them to a different location trying with all my heart to keep them not only alive, but thriving. They are now in large pots in my back yard, getting plenty of sun and TLC from yours truly. And it's finally paying off.

I think I should put them in a nicer vase....no, I'll put them in a nicer VAHZ. Thanks Grandma Willie and Grandmother Wilson.

(New post on The Seam Rippers)

Notice

2010-04-27T13:25:00.000-07:00

New post on The Seam Rippers.

I decided to start putting notes on each blog when there is a new post on the other one. If it gets to be a pain, I'll just stop it. But at least there aren't long spaces between posts.

Lucy, You Gotta Lot Esplaining To Doooo!

2010-04-26T06:29:00.000-07:00

I've noticed lately, that on facebook, most everyone I know comments on Mondays and Fridays. "Ugh! Monday again!" "Please tell me it's still Sunday!" "Is it Friday yet?" "Yaaay, Friday is here!" "TGIF!!!"

This is just so sad. Why do we hate to work so much? It's like we are hamsters on a treadmill, just existing until the weekend. Why does it have to be that way? I heard it said that if you do something you love, you don't work a day in your life. How may of us are blessed enough to be able to do that? Even if we like what we do, we still complain about having to get up and go to work. Are we lazy? Dissatisfied? Unappreciated and unappreciative? Thank the Lord I haven't had to go back into the workforce, because I would ~~probably~~ assuredly be saying/writing the same thing. Did our forefathers feel this way? When families worked on a farm to feed and clothe themselves, did they feel this way? I really wonder.

And another thing... by my calculations, I weigh two or more pounds less than I did last summer. So, why are the clothes I wore last summer still too tight? Why can't I wear them now? I have two pairs of pants that I can get back into. Snug fitting albeit, but I'm wearing those suckers. Why are they tighter now than they were last year? Could it be that everything is going south? Literally? Is all the fat from my top settling in my bottom? Can someone explain this to me? I'm trying not to be discouraged. And I walked two miles this morning trying to help things along. I need to wear those clothes....

Happy Happy

2010-04-24T08:47:00.000-07:00

I was laying in the bed last night and I was almost giddy thinking of all the projects I want to do. It's a wonderful feeling, knowing that I don't have to go to a job away from home and I can choose to do what I want. Working in the yard, quilting, painting, sewing...these are the things of my heart. Yesterday I worked on J's quilt and you can see the progress on The Seam Rippers blog.

This last year has been a process of becoming used to not having to punch a time clock, and not having to do another's bidding. There are advantages of work, mind you. Money being the key. The other is socialization. Those are the only two things I miss. But, my "home work" is more than making up for it. And of course I have my blogs and facebook. *grin*

I was thinking this morning that it would be so wonderful if there was an art center in Sheridan. I feel sure it would be supported, due to the number of people in the area. The problem would be funding. There are empty buildings everywhere, so that wouldn't be a problem. And who would run the thing. I'm not a business leader. I can come up with the idea, but following through would be a real problem for me. But what if, just what if we had a place that could:

Give watercolor and oil painting lessons.

Teach pottery classes.

Give beginner quilting lessons or hold a quilting bee periodically for charity.

Have gallery type showings for local artists.

Knitting and crochet lessons.

Have a gift and consignment shop.

Have Saturday classes for children, such as fingerpainting, acrylic paints, pottery, etc.

The possibilities are endless. But eventhough it's a wonderful idea, and I would love to be involved somehow, I just don't see it happening. Especially if I'm the one who has to ramrod the thing. But... but wouldn't it be loverly?

In the meantime, I'll work on my own projects and enjoy my life. God is so good.

The Number Seven

2010-04-23T08:29:00.000-07:00

Today's post is brought to you by the number 7.

I've lost a little over seven pounds.

So, today I walked around the block seven times.

Seven is my favorite number. (right now)

Lucky #7

The End

2010-04-22T13:36:00.000-07:00

I think I've done as much as I can in the yard, without SR becoming impatient with me. That is in the way of plantings. We will still work on the deck/porch project.

I added a few more bedding plants to the new bed and I'm hoping they will fill out and look nice. I'm thinking instead of placing more rocks around the back of the tree, I may just plant some azaleas next year. I'd love to see them grow really large like Mr. S's. It would make a nice backdrop.

I added the some of the same bedding plants to the old bed around the other tree, and freshened up the mulch.

That's it for the back. Then I went around to the side, and added some mulch to a little bed I created on the south side of the driveway.

There are some plants in there you can't really see, but they will grow up some and fill out. Notice the plant stand? It is the base of my old bird bath. The bowl crumbled so I purchased an inexpensive clay dish, painted it white, turned it upside down and Ta Da! I tried turning it up and using it as a birdbath, but it really wasn't deep enough.

And finally, the front.

This poor hydrangea is so sad. I bought it because it was cheap, and I haven't seen any others. I was afraid I'd miss out and was determined to have one.

The darker hostas are finally coming up.

So, there you have it. Th-th-th-that's all folks.

Another Day in the Yard

2010-04-21T11:52:00.000-07:00

I was going to use the title "Another Day in Paradise" but I thought that was pushing it a bit. :P
I added some bedding plants to my new bed.

It's just so sad the way the hostas are laying down on the job. I've considered cutting them back, because I saw on a gardening website that they will come back out after you do that when transplanting. I don't know....should I? What's the concensus folks.

I'll be glad when I can get a few more rocks to go the rest of the way around the tree. Since it's so much higher in the back, it won't take as many.

My wild rose bush is full and lush and beginning to bloom.

I came around the end of the house into the backyard this morning and the fragrance came at me in waves. They smell so darn good. I just wish they bloomed all summer instead of just once in the spring.

They grow along the back edge of the yard with the things I've been adding. And a big thanks goes to Cousin Becky for identifying my new bush. It's a Leatherleaf Mahonia more commonly knows as a Grapeholly.

Now, I must get to working on J's quilt. I'm sure he's tired of waiting on it.

Making Headway

2010-04-20T09:36:00.000-07:00

Sr is making a new grid because we decided to run the boards in a different direction than the original. He laid boards across the frame, just to keep them out of the dirt, and we liked the look much better. But, he had to add support joists.

It didn't take him that long and now the deck looks a bit larger to us.

The boards aren't secured yet. He ran out of vacation, but he will work on it during the next couple of weeks as he can. Then we contact the handy man to start the roofing process. Yipee!

I finally got to Walmart to buy some ~~expensive~~ inhanced dirt and mulch. And believe it or not, they were almost totally out of this type of thing. One of the workers told me he couldn't believe how fast it all went. SR took a break and went to get the transplants Mr. S offered. I could have spent an hour digging, as he offered to let me have some of whatever I wanted, but I thought I'd just stick with the hostas and the holly bush.

The hostas look a little sad, but they'll perk up a bit in a day or so. I placed this one in the bed around the other tree and it looks pretty good.

I had to dodge my old arch enemy (poison ivy) but I hope and pray I was successful in keeping it at bay. I noticed two little spots on my person this morning, but hope it will not escalate into more. SR warned me countless times yesterday.

So, Mr. S and I thought this bush was a Japanese Holly, but when searched online for it, I couldn't find it. It has to be some kind of holly because the leaves have sharp points.

Does anyone know what this is? It's unique and I'm so glad to have it, even if I never know what it really is.

The last photo is a view of the back edge of the yard. The photo doesn't really show how nice it is, mainly because you can see all the vines that are ruining the look of everything. If I could withstand the ivy issue, I'd get back there with some pruning shears and do away with that unsightly vineyard. Unfortunately, I can't, so it's just going to have to stay. I'm hoping when everything fills out, it will look better.

Wax and Wane

2010-04-17T07:37:00.000-07:00

Wax and Wane: "Increase and decrease, as in size, number, strength, or intensity..." Dictionary.com

I had a revelation yesterday. One that I suppose comes to most everyone eventually. SR and I are aging. Oh, we aren't old, but our bodies just don't keep up like they used to. SR has always always been very active and strong. I never even thought about him running out of steam. But as we worked on the porch and yard yesterday, I realized that at the age of 56, he is beginning to slow down. He can still run rings around me, and is still a very strong man, but I can see that he gets tired a little sooner than he used to. And until that moment yesterday, it never even occured to me. I just always saw him with never ending energy and drive. So, then I thought about how I am so much like my mother, that when I get an idea in my head, and decide to act on it, I think I've got to get every single part of it done as soon as humanly possible. As in doing everything in the yard I see that needs doing in one day. Case in point:

J brought my rocks. Before he arrived, I had been hoeing and weeding. I also had been looking at things on the edge of the yard that needed some cleaning up. BUT I held myself in check only because I did NOT want another case of poison ivy. Had that not been the case, I would have been hashing and swiping with a machete for most of the morning. When J finally arrived close to noon, I had to make myself hold off putting them around the tree so I could visit with him. While he was here, I proceeded to strip beds, and remake them, and do a little floor cleaning. He and his Dad worked on the living room ceiling fan that died. They were unable to resuscitate it.

When he left, I couldn't stand it and just had to go out and place the rocks. Now, I was already waning. I was moving a little slow but I just had to do it or die. By the time I finished placing the rocks, I was exhausted. Moral of the story? I have to learn to pace myself. SR has always been able to.

Wax and wane. Work and take a break. That's the ticket. I just have to keep reminding myself that it WILL be there tomorrow if I don't get it done today. I really don't know what the hurry is.

Porch progress. We left the three boards in the middle so I can safely go out the back.

As a Result

2010-04-15T22:53:00.000-07:00

As a result of drinking tea before bedtime, I am wide awake at 12:45 in the a.m.
It is decaffeinated tea, but my body doesn't really care.

As a result of grinding my teeth in my sleep, (when I am actually asleep) I have to wear a stupid mouth guard.

As a result of said mouth guard, feeling squirmy due to decaffeinated tea, a tired neck, and probably pollen, I have a sinus headache too.

As a result of sewing like there's no tomorrow for Little Man, I am a little burned out. I'm taking a few days off, then will continue to create a few things for LeLe and work on J's quilt. I now have the batting and backing, so there's no excuse to put it off any longer.

As a result of drooling over Mr. and Mrs. S's backyard, I yearn for a lovely retreat in my own back yard. And SR is asking me where I'm going to plant all this stuff Mr. S is going to give me....with dread in his eyes.

As a result of getting older, I am not being as careful as I should. As in watching for poison ivy, watching the road and traffic lights instead of watching the cars while driving, and just basically taking my time about things.

As a result of being so focused on the yard, and making things, I have not kept house as I should.

And as a result of all this, I am not a happy camper. But, tomorrow is another day....oh right, it is tomorrow already.

I Won an Award!

2010-04-15T12:34:00.000-07:00

Sweet Tanya at Froufroubritches gave me an award.

I'm speechless because, well in blogland, I'm kinda quiet. I don't have a lot of wit, nor do I come up with a lot of original ideas. This personal blog doesn't display the crafts I make, (The Seam Rippers) and those crafts are not an every day occurance. But it's very nice to be recognized. As they say on the Oscars, it's enough just to be nominated.... yeah.

So, here are the rules.

1. Put the logo on your blog within your post.

2. Pass the award onto 12 bloggers.

3. Link the nominees within your post.

4. Let them know they have received the award by commenting on their blog.

5. Share the love and the link to the person from whom you have received this award. ( Don't feel obligated to do this part.)

We Three Kings because, well, she's my daughter and she's wonderful.

Kssnikel because she is a lot like me.

The Silver Lining because she is my daughter's BFF and adorable.

H Squared because she is a personal friend and a sweetheart.

Outlandish Observations because I love all things Outlandish.

Making the World Cuter because she's really cute!

My Outlander Purgatory because again, all things outlandish, and she is hilarious.

Living Life Creatively because she inspires me.

Jaybird Quilts because I'm just beginning to quilt and she has so many beautiful ideas.

Write it Down because she is versatile and intersting.

k.f.d. designs because I wish I could do what she does.

Bugaboos Creations because she does a little bit of everything.

I don't read a whole bunch of blogs, but these are ones I check daily. And sometimes more than once a day.

I knew Tanya when she was a toddler, and was thrilled to connect with her again after all these years. (Don't ask how many) Thanks girl. You rock!

Come On Over

2010-04-15T08:04:00.000-07:00

While walking this morning, Mrs. S invited me to come to her backyard and check out her azaleas. Merciful Heavens!

I felt like I was at a commercial garden. And envy doesn't come close to what I felt.

While there, Mr. S gave me another tour of his yard. He is so very proud of it and loves it so much. He also offered me some more cuttings and plants for my own yard. What a man!

They have a wonderful covered deck along the back of the house, and the garden is what they look upon as they drink their morning coffee. What a life!

He's going to give me a clump of these hostas and this japanese holly might just become mine. He said he had one he could give me. Keep your fingers crossed and say your prayers that he follows through. I understand they are pretty expensive.

SR and I are about to begin working on our back porch. We are going to replace the boards, the back door and add a roof. I hope and pray when we are finished, I can create something nice to look upon as we sit back there. I doubt it will ever compare to Mr. S's place, as it takes a lot of time and effort, not to mention money and a larger lot. One day, it will be a retreat if I have anything to say about it. And next summer, there will be a sandbox and a swing, without a doubt. *wink*

These are before photos.

I'm hoping to find something to hide all the ~~junk~~ little yard items in. And I would dearly love to have some of those vintage metal chairs with the round backs, that sort of bounce. I've tried to find some, but they are a hot item right now. The last ones I found were already sold.

This weekend, J is supposed to bring me rocks to put around this tree.

If I can get this one fixed up, that will be a huge relief. And this is where I will place some of the hostas Mr. S is giving me.

In other news, Mom had her fifth chemo treatment yesterday and she did very well. She has one more, and then a CT scan to make sure she's all clear. Her CA125 counts are 12.5. The web says normal counts are 35 and under so this is very good news. The doctor said no one is a 0.

And my second batch of poison ivy is getting better after an injection. I think I've learned my lesson. But, you never know when that pesky little devil is going to sneak up on you while you are working in the yard. So, I'm thinking I'll keep a steroid pack on hand just in case.

Same Song Second Verse

2010-04-10T09:34:00.000-07:00

I did it again. I worked at the back line of the yard yesterday, and woke up in the night with....wait for it.....

poison ivy.

I can't win. Thankfully, I will only have to wait till Monday to get a steroid shot instead of almost a week to get to the doctor. I know it's stupid but...

What do you do when you are trying to make your back yard look nice, the neighbors give you plants out of their yard to transplant, and the husband's limb clearing doesn't go far enough to suit you, and you are just...~~crazy~~ driven?! I hope it's all worth it, because the thrift I transplanted looks a little sickly.

The first is at the edge of the yard where the honeysuckle and poison ivy are trying to invade the yard proper. It doesn't look like much but here's hoping eventually it will take root and fill out. If it lives. They gave me some kind of day lilies. Mr. S called them tiger lilies, but I have my doubts about that.

I put some in a pot, just for fun, and some in the front bed. I know it looks really sad right now, but the hostas are just beginning to come up, and we haven't gotten a new batch of mulch put down yet. And they both told me these would spred pretty quickly. I also plan to get a hydrangea and put on the end. I had one there and moved it. Bad decision.

In the back....

Mrs. S called this Standing Phlox. Notice what is behind it.....can you see it? Just a little to the left is my arch enemy. She said to put it in a place where you don't care if it gets big and spreads all over the place. Hmmm, maybe it will choke out the ivy. I can only hope.

At least the pots on the front porch are beginning to fill out.

Next weekend, J is supposed to bring me rocks to go around the second tree in my back yard. If he follows through, I'll have my work cut out for me putting that together. I'm hopeful though. We plan to cover the back porch soon, and with the addition of the plants, rock bed and porch, maybe, just maybe my back yard will be something I can enjoy. And I want a nice place for Little Man to play when he gets a little older.

A Boring Night

2010-04-09T19:35:00.000-07:00

Friday night at home. Alone. Turkey season starts tomorrow and the hubs is at camp, so after reading a witty reparte on facebook about cheezburgers, I checked out LOL Cats. I haven't looked at it in quite some time.

I must really be tired or even more bored than I thought, because I have been ROTFL. Haven't really laughed in a good long while either, so that was nice.

I truly wish I was witty enough to come up with some of these captions.

And with this last one, I'll say goodnight to all.

Yeah, the Batteries

2010-04-06T07:55:00.000-07:00

Or the "ba-trees" as my grandfather used to say. Thank goodness. So, I spent my morning walk, taking photos of all the beautiful spring flowers in the neighborhood. Here they are...

Of course, I had to take more of the Wisteria. The smell was even stronger and I dread the blooms disappearing.

The following is all in my neighbor's yard, across the way. I can see their yard from my front door and it's glorious.

Sweet Neighbor Lady offered to let me have some of the thrift. Woo hoo! Think I may take her up on that.

These are of the redtips in my back yard, and my red azaleas that are just beginning to bloom. Not nearly as exciting, but I had to take their picture too, or they would feel left out.

This makes me wish I had a really good camera, and that I could create a calendar or something. But, it gives me pleasure and mine do make great screen savers. :) I just love the colors of spring, but I don't like watching the pollen fly around in huge waves....

P.S. If you are interested in saving these files, you are welcome to them. I also have larger files that are better for screen savers. Just give me a yell at my email address and I'll send. Address is on my profile.

Camera Woes

2010-04-05T07:56:00.000-07:00

In my daily walk, I've spotted several blooming trees and bushes that I want to capture with my digital camera. Unfortunately, it won't cooperate. I don't know if it's bad batteries (I've tried several in the same pack) or if it's decided to retire. It's aggravating and disappointing, to say the least. I did manage to get two shots of a Wisteria that resides down the street from my house. It's absolutely beautiful, and the smell is heavenly. Every time I walk by, I breathe as deeply as I possibly can.

You can't tell just how tall this thing is since I walked up very close. But it's probably about 13 feet high, give or take. There is another neighbor that has Thrift growing all around several little vignettes. I plan to try for new batteries, then go a-knocking on her door for permission to shoot.

I must figure out what is wrong with the camera, because Little Man is close to arriving. There's no way I will be without a functioning camera.

I thought our Easter service at church yesterday was very moving. The order of service was different than anything I've experienced before and I was really moved by it. In times past, we would sit quietly, as the organist played and the cups were passed out. Yesterday, we sang praises as the cups were passed. I thought that a wonderful change. The speaker talked about all the excuses non-believers give, trying to deny the resurrection. And then he shot them all down. Wonderful.

I've been looking at everyone's Easter pictures posted on facebook and blogs. We were invited out to dinner yesterday, since our children had other plans. It was a very nice change as well. But, no photos. LeLe happened to be with us, but she was not agreeable to a picture at this time. She is so swollen, she can barely walk. No one wants to have their photo taken like that.

Spring is definitely here, as I see yellow and green covering everything.....

Night Sky

2010-03-30T11:59:00.000-07:00

SR wanted me to take a picture of the moon the other night. The clouds were moving out and floating across the moon, and he thought it was beautiful. I would have posted it sooner, but my mouse was acting up, and I had to buy a new one before I could do any fun stuff. Using the curser box on my laptop is not fun.

Driven

2010-03-25T10:23:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've been driven to sew. It's like an addiction or obsession. I was so tired yesterday afternoon, I could barely function, but I could not and would not stop sewing my latest project until I finished. (Check out the newest post on Seam Rippers)

I thought about this and likened it unto the obsession SR gets when turkey season is open. He will rise at the crack of dawn to drive 30+ minutes to the woods, to sit for hours trying to call up a turkey. Day after day he does this, until he can barely put one foot in front of the other, and he nods off as soon as his bottom hits the recliner. Yet, he perseveres until the Very. Last. Day.

I had some ideas in my head that just had to flow. I had gifts I had to create. I had accessories for Little Man's room that had to be finished. That is all finished now, and the next thing will be a mural in his room. I will attempt to do that tomorrow and Saturday. After that, I may feel a little lost. But I will start again on J's quilt. If I don't come up with another idea for the baby.....I told you I was obsessed.

One other little item I'd like to mention.... I've lost 2 1/2 pounds this week. What?! Fast huh? IF I am able to lose weight, it comes off pretty quick at first. In any case, it is encouraging and gives me incentive to carry on. It's a real pain writing down every thing I put in my mouth, but it will be worth it when I am able to button the capris I wore last summer....

Food

2010-03-23T11:33:00.000-07:00

Ok, anyone can tell you that when you are ~~dieting~~ trying to eat healthy, food is all you think about. It consumes my life...well, except for Little Man's eminent arrival. The steriods are now gone and my stomach has settle down enought that I'm not starving 24/7. Thank you Lord. I've been walking about 30 minutes each day, when weather permits, and riding the elliptical for at least 20. I hope I can keep that up, but I have to tell you, it's exhausting.

Since last week when I decided to really buckle down and manage my eating habits, I have found a few things that are pretty healthy and low in calories and fat. I thought I'd list them here in case anyone was curious.

Special K Vanilla and Almond Cereal and milk.
It keeps me satisfied, and gives me most of my daily vitamins. This is the only way I can take vitamins, so I've been eating this for breakfast for a couple of years now.

Lowfat Peanut Butter and Whole Wheat Tortilla
This may not sound very appetizing, but trust me, it is. And it's filling and if you only use 1 Tablespoon of PB, it's not fattening. Believe it or not, 1 tablespoon will spread over the entire tortilla and work great.

Triscuit Low Fat Crackers and Cabot's 75% Fat Free Sharp Cheddar Cheese
This is good stuff folks. The cheese has just a little rubbery consistency, but it's good.

Smart Choice Meals from Weight Watchers
These things are really good. I like them even better than Lean Cuisine or Healthy Choice. And it's so easy to throw them in the microwave.

Glucerna Bars
These are made for diabetics, but they are great snack bars. I only eat one half at a time though, to cut caloric intake and the artificial sweetener tends to blow me up a bit. TMI?

Canned White Meat Chicken with Salad
The protein helps hunger and gives it a little substance. Simple salad does not stick with me long.

Microwaved Egg, Lowfat Cheese and Whole Wheat Tortilla
I spray a small plate with non-stick cooking spray and whip the egg onto the plate and into the microwave. Cook about a minute and it's nice and flat, but doesn't stick to the plate. Lay it on the tortilla, put one ounce of the Cabot's cheese on it, (cut into small pieces) and put it back in the micro for another 20 seconds or so. Roll it up and you have a simple egg burrito. This kept me satisfied much longer than I thought it would.

These are but a few of the ideas I've come up with. My only real problem is supper. If I cook a good meal for SR, even if it is low in fat, it still has too many calories for me. I don't know what I'll do about that, but I'll figure something out. Tonight I plan on Spaghetti. I'll have to cook regular pasta, and whole wheat because he won't touch the whole wheat stuff. Hates the taste. I'll have to make two difference sauces too. One with meat and the other without. Bummer.

If anyone out there has other suggestions, I'd love to hear them. After a while, the same things get old.

Friday was Fine

2010-03-20T07:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Friday, March 19, 2010 was about the finest day I've had in a while. My body finally shut down enough to get some good sleep Thursday night, and I woke up rested and ready to roll.....Well, after I took my new blood pressure medication and it kicked in....

I think taking the steroids for my poison ivy is the main culprit right now. I have two more days of it to take, so we'll see if it makes a difference in the days ahead. I have a love/hate relationship with the steroid dose pak right now.

The day was absolutely gorgeous and I opened several windows. I've been bird watching behind the glass door, but there is nothing in the world like hearing all the bird song through the window. I got a lot accomplished through the day and even surprised myself a little.

Walked for 30 minutes
Stripped beds, washed sheets and remade beds.
Finished window treatments and dust ruffle for Little Man's room.
Rode Elliptical for over 20 minutes.
Started counting calories in a feeble attempt to lose 10 pounds and lower my triglycerides.

Those few things may not look like much, but to me it was an almost perfect day. I felt good, I had energy, I was in a good mood, I was in no hurry, I didn't have to dress up or put on any makeup, and I did exactly_what_I_wanted. Ahhhhhh....

Sleep Cycle......Or

2010-03-18T01:47:00.000-07:00

No Sleep Cycle....

Imagine a large round gauge, similar to a temperature gauge, hanging on your bedroom wall. But instead of numbers for the temperature, there are numbers for sleep patterns. They might read like this...

1. A full eight hours. Rested and ready to roll.
In a perfect world, or if you are a young'un.

2. A good five to six hours. All systems functioning.
A happy thought.

3. Fall asleep easily. Sleep for two or three hours and wake up. After a drink of water and bathroom break, you go back to sleep.
Acceptable

4. Fall asleep eventually. Wake up every little while, turn over and go back to sleep to repeat the process.
If you are lucky.

5. Doze off, then wake up. Toss and turn. Doze off, then wake up. Toss and Turn. Repeat, repeat, repeat.
Becoming alarmed.

6. Doze off, sleep for an hour or so, wake up. Toss and turn trying to go back to sleep. Finally get up and read for an hour. Lay back down and try to sleep. Finally get up and get on computer for an hour or so. Lay back down, and try to sleep.....At around 5:30, fall into a light doze.
Ding Ding Ding....folks, we have a winner!

7. Give up.
Contemplating this option.

Needless to say, I am having trouble sleeping. It runs in cycles, or has in the past. This time it seems to be in a holding pattern. I can't remember the last good night's sleep I got. Oh wait, it was one night last week when I took a Zyrtec trying to dry up the poison ivy. Every great once in a while, a medication I've not taken in a very long time will work....once. The second attempt fails.

OTC meds work for a couple of hours then I'm wired.
Benadryl works for about an hour, then the RLS is kicked into overdrive.
Prescription meds work for maybe three hours, then again the RLS is kicked into high gear or I wake up with a severe headache.
Muscle relaxers help with musle aches, but no sleep. Well, they used to anyway.
Exercise hasn't helped.
Limiting caffeine and sugar intake hasn't helped.
I may have to go to a sleep center, but I don't know what they can do if none of the above works.

So, it's 3:43 in the a.m. and instead of sleeping, I'm blogging. That can't be a good thing.

It Would Have Been Nice....

2010-03-18T00:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Mom’s fourth chemo treatment out of six. It had been postponed due to low blood counts and an unexpected transfusion last Friday, but we finally got the deed done. There shouldn’t be a need for any more transfusions, as the med causing her low counts has been discontinued.

Three months ago, a port was installed because the pain of digging in her arm for a good IV vein was extremely painful. We all thought it was a good idea at the time and for most folks it is. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a good idea for Mom. The pain when they access the port is excruciating. I’m talking about a come out of the chair yelling kind of pain. Before the third treatment, the oncology nurse called a prescription in for a numbing cream to be used one hour before the stick. It didn’t help. This time we started early, rubbing it in every thirty minutes all morning, in hopes it would work better. Nope.

A nurse we’d never seen before cared for Mom in the chemo lab yesterday. She told us that rubbing the cream in doesn’t work. You have to blob it on the area, and cover the blob with plastic, as in Glad wrap or a plastic bandage like they use in the chemo lab. It would have been nice if someone had told us sooner. We are really hoping it helps next time.

One piece of good news yesterday was the oncology doctor is so pleased with Mom’s response to the chemo, she is going to delete the sixth treatment. After the next one, there will be a CT scan ordered to rule out any lingering cancer. Mom and I have discussed asking the doctor if future routine doses of chemo might help stop any recurrence. We don’t know if that will make a difference, if it’s an option, or even if insurance will pay for it. But we intend to bring up the subject.

After we finished at UAMS, we of course went to eat, and I took Mom out to Shackleford Crossing Shopping Center to let her look around. You don’t take her to Little Rock without eating and shopping..... unless you want to be on her list. ;)

Decision Made

2010-03-16T09:37:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted lately, due to various other demands. I've been doing a lot of sewing, which will be posted on Seam Rippers shortly. I've also been nursing a severe case of Poison Ivy, that you don't want a photo of. (Trust me) Not to mention my mother needed an emergency transfusion last Friday, due to extreme fatigue and lightheadedness. She spent Friday night in the hospital, but was fit as a fiddle when she was released the next day.

I've been waiting impatiently for Lowe's or Home Depot to put out their spring bushes and bedding plants. Finally, yesterday I purchased four.....

and a Heather plant. It smelled so wonderful when we walked by it, that I simply had to get one. I plan to place it in a pot on the front porch. I'm afraid it may not bloom after the weather gets really warm, but we'll see.

SR and I looked and looked at what was offered at Lowe's, and we both agreed on this bush. I purchased some good gardening soil to add to the bed, in hopes that they will flourish and look as nice as the cedar trees did. At the very least, the ice won't threaten to topple them over, since they will be much lower to the ground.

Transplantation

2010-03-09T06:31:00.000-08:00

SR and I were able to transplant the cedar trees that were in the front yard to the back yard. We moved two on Sunday afternoon, and two yesterday afternoon. It was quite a job. Even though we feared they would topple over if the ground stayed wet enough in the front, and the ice was heavy enough, it was still a chore to get them out of the ground.

I also gathered some more jonquils from the area just beyond the ~~thicket~~ trees and bushes you see behind the cedar. I thought it would look pretty in the springtime between everything. There is a hydrangea plant on the right that I hope will flourish now that it in a protected spot. It didn't do well where I had it last year.

We planted things that would grow tall in front of the ~~thicket~~ trees and bushes that border the back line, because Farm Bureau purchased the land behind us, and we feared they would cut all the shade and noise buffer down. It's the only thing right now that blocks hwy 167 noise and keeps folks from looking straight into our back yard.

These are three of the four we moved. No, it doesn't look like much in these photos, but from my back door, it looks really nice. Slowly, my backyard is beginning to look like someone actually planned out the garden. Oh, it will never look like a photo in a magazine, but eventually, it will look nice enough that I won't be embarrassed for family to sit out there.

Now this is what my front looks like....

PITIFUL. This is the third THIRD shrub I've tried in this spot. Nothing thrives, it just exists and I just don't know what to put there.

I'm going to give it one more summer to see if it perks up, and then if nothing changes, I'll be trying yet another type of shrub. And now, since the cedars are gone, it looks pretty sad. I have no idea what to put in their place. I thought about holly bushes, but just don't know. And I even thought about boxwood. After taking the tall trees out, I wondered if I didn't like the low straight line of it better. Any suggestions?

Kickin' It

2010-03-05T06:54:00.000-08:00

Folks, I have to tell you. This thing is kicking my bootay.

As I said before, it's not as smooth as the expensive ones at the gym. It's more like standing up on a bicycle while you are going up a small hill. Or like walking up countless flights of shallow stairs. Monday I was only able to stay on it for 10 minutes. Yesterday, I'd worked up to 20 at one time, and then after supper 10 more. This morning I could only stick with it for 15 and I was done. Winded, worn out, exhausted. I'll get back on it around lunchtime and try for 10 or 15 more, then again after supper. I am determined to win the battle. Eventually, it has to get easier......right?

I do have to admit, my thighs and bottom feel stronger. I was squatting yesterday, transplanting some azaleas, and I didn't feel the burn I normally would. So I must be doing some good..... I hope I hope I hope...

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

2010-03-02T07:45:00.000-08:00

What's going on this week.

I'm still having trouble with my neck and shoulders, and will probably call the doctor if it feels the same when I get out of bed tomorrow. Getting still, as in sleeping or watching tv seems to make it worse. I suppose it gets stiff or something.

I bought an elliptical yesterday. It's not as smooth as the ones at the gym, but considering it probably cost only a fraction of what those do, I am happy with it. It works me harder, and that is a good thing. I hope to shape up some even if I can't lose any weight.

I took Mom to see the oncologist yesterday for her half-way point visit. Her platelets are just not cooperating so, we had to put her chemo off another week. The doctor is going to delete the chemo med that is causing the problem, and just give her the one she must have. Doc was optimistic it would all be ok. And of course, Mom feels fine. The only problem she has is that the chemo makes her back and hips ache. And that is a normal side effect.

I finally spent my Hobby Lobby gift card yesterday. I bought a rotary cutting mat, and three pieces of fabric. Never mind that the fabric is for J and for Little Man. It was my card to spend any_way_ I_want.

Mom and I ate at Applebee's for lunch and ordered the Three Cheese Chicken Penne. Talk about good. OH MY WORD. I heart Applebee's.

I helped LeLe do some purging and rearranging for Little Man's room last Saturday. It felt good to help her get some of that done. I'm going to paint his mural while she is gone on a little trip in a couple of weeks. Cousin is giving her a shower next Saturday. We are all looking forward to that.

For The Birds

2010-02-27T07:55:00.000-08:00

I have been watching and feeding birds that are only passing through. It may be a little uninteresting to some, but I get excited when I see them all gathered around the feeders, or in a tree.

The Cedar Waxwings are only here for a day or so, on their way north. They were gorging themselves on the Bradford Pear fruit and trying to dodge the local Mockingbird, who considered this his own personal grocery store.

It's funny. When we lived out in the country, with more birds than you could imagine, I wasn't nearly as interested in birdwatching as I am now. Of course, I didn't have a digital camera then either, so taking photos of them was almost impossible.

The Goldfinches have been here for a week or more. I'm surprised they haven't disappeared, because they too are on their way north.

As you can see, there are so many empty sunflower shells, that I need to clean the area up a bit. I have raked some of them off, but obviously I need to work a little harder. The Goldfinches like feeding from the ground though, so I'll probably wait until they move on.

Today should be pretty warm and nice... a perfect day for yardwork. Alas, it's still too soon to start planting, and my neck pain issue is not resolved. I may need to hold off on any raking until I see a doctor. Oh bother.

An Ode to An Egg

2010-02-25T07:15:00.000-08:00

Oh, Cadbury Egg.
You rock my world.
Every year, I wait for the Easter season, just so I can consume mass quantities.
Of you.

You are so chocolatey.
You are so smooth and creamy.
You are so sweetly eggy.
And you are colorful too.

Come to me now.
I implore you to ruin my healthy eating desires.
Decadence.
Perfection.

Bahk, Bahk.

Wednesday Whine

2010-02-24T05:53:00.000-08:00

Ok, gonna whine a bit. So either grab the cheese or look away.

The gumballs are still in the trees, waiting to fall when I'm not looking so that I will have to sweep them yet again. And all the sweeping I did on Saturday, wreaked havoc with my poor aging body. I now have what I believe is a pinched nerve in my neck. Sleeping the last three nights has been impossible. There is no comfortable position I can find, except sitting straight up. It is slowly trying to get better, so at least there is hope at the end of the pain tunnel.

They mock me.

I promised my Mom I'd take her shopping for Little Man and out to lunch for her birthday. Today is the day and I really don't feel much like it. But, I am going anyway. I was going to wait until Saturday, which is her of birth, but things didn't work out.

I'm irritated at myself for not ordering a specific fabric LeLe and I agreed on, until it was out of stock. Nice. Now I must find another one somewhere. She and I both are tired of looking at swatch after swatch.

SR and I need to do some bank business, but the banks all close their lobby at 4:00. How is a working person supposed to do any banking?

My house is a wreck. I haven't felt like doing anything but taking drugs and laying around trying to find a comfortable position. Thus, I can see my footprints in the dust on the floor.

I have all these projects in my head that need to be done, and can't get started on them yet.

The nice warm weather left. Bleh. I know it's only February but in Arkansas, Spring shows up early. Not this year.

I'm hungry. All. The. Time.

I hope this purging helps my attitude. Living with irritable B is no fun. Being irritable B is no picnic either.

I think I'll go over to Seam Rippers and make a list of projects that need doing....

Gumballs and Roses

2010-02-20T07:47:00.000-08:00

The last two weeks have been very intense and we are finally able to relax and think about getting back to normal. Whatever normal is, I suppose. Yesterday was absolutely beautiful. The skies were a clear blue, the temperature was in the lower 60s even though there was a bit of a wind. It was a perfect day for a funeral, if there can be a perfect day.

The hospice chaplain led the simple graveside service and he did a wonderful job. I keep thinking that it was so obvious that God had His hand in everything, because we immediately felt that this man was a long time friend. He was friendly, kind, and easy to be yourself around. He listened to conversations around him, and mentioned them in his speech, and even mentioned the dream aunt told me she had about searching for her sister and mother. He listened.

We chose pink roses for her casket spray. It was so gorgeous I could hardly stand it. Later yesterday afternoon, SR and I went back to the cemetery and I picked a few of them out of a matching spray and brought them home.

You may feel that talking about a funeral is morbid. But, it's a celebration really. The chaplain reminded us that aunt is now reunited with her sister and mother and family she has outlived. That is a happy thing.

Later yesterday afternoon, SR and I went outside, just to get a little exercise and escape from sitting around, as we have been doing for the last few weeks. The gum balls in our back yard must number in the gazillions and we raked a few piles up and discarded them. There are more, and I hope to get back out there sometime today. I finally got a decent night's sleep last night, but my body is still fighting fatigue, so I'll have to force myself.

There are so many things I want to be doing, and the energy is just not forthcoming. Yard work, sewing, reorganzing clutter and doing some more purging. (Remember, I'm the purge queen. ) And it's time to help LeLe get the baby's room in order. I'll leave you with this shot of J and myself from yesterday, and I'll get my hiney in gear....

Gone Home

2010-02-17T07:08:00.000-08:00

Our beloved aunt went to be with our Lord at 7:55 this morning. We rejoice that she is now in the presence of the Living God, and are thankful to Him for his strength during this time. Thank you for your prayers during this long episode.

B

At Loose Ends...

2010-02-16T10:19:00.000-08:00

It's hard to know what to do, when you are waiting on someone to meet the Lord. You sit and stare into space, you fidget, you watch each labored breath, you pace. When you aren't with your loved one, you wring your hands, wondering if you should be there, what you should do while you are at home, but you really can't find the brain power to concentrate on much of anything.

We watch as the breathing gets slower and harder. Each time there is a pause, we are startled, wondering if it will resume. We tell each other to go home for a while and get some rest, but no one really wants to leave, and no one really wants to be there either. We pray for God to do our will, and not His own.

I always repeat to myself that He gives us what we need as we need it. And He never gives us a burden that He doesn't give us the strength to carry. That is the only thing that keeps us going.

So, I find myself at loose ends. I do a little housework along, I go back and forth to keep watch, I work a little on mindless tasks to fill the time. I fret for it all to be over, long for God's peace to fill all of us, including our loved one. Time seems to stand still, but we still understand that He is in control.

Praise God from Whom all blessings flow.
Praise Him all creatures here below.
Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts.
Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost.
Amen.

Perfect Valentine Gift

2010-02-14T06:56:00.000-08:00

Quilt Post

2010-02-13T08:52:00.001-08:00

I've posted my first attempt at quilting on The Seam Rippers.

What's Happening

2010-02-11T05:58:00.000-08:00

I thought I'd finally let you all know what's happening. Anyone remember the retro sitcom with the tall skinny black kid that wore black framed glasses? He was called Raj, and his sidekick was an overweight black kid who wore a tam, and they called him Rerun? It was called "What's Happening?" This has absolutely nothing to do with my post. But it wouldn't leave my brain, so I had to let it out. If you remember that show, raise your hand....

Ok, the real deal is that SR and I have been at St. Vincent with his great aunt since Friday last. We spent several nights at the Guesthouse Inn, which is located on the hospital campus. It made things a lot easier for us, even though I did spent two night in the room with her. I mentioned in an earlier post about her condition, and I won't bore you all with specifics, but she is now back at the nursing home under Hospice care. It's been a long hard road.

While at the hospital, Aunt had a young nurse named Meng. She was born in Thailand and is the cutest little thing. She bent over backward to give us what we asked for, to come running when we called, and she was entertaining in between. I had to laugh, as she is engaged to a guy named "Bob" and she is afraid to set a date. She told me she was afraid they would wake up one day and ask, "Wat em I do-en wid dis pu-son?" I just told her that is when you decide to buckle down and do what it takes to get through it and make it work. She just grinned.

Ever notice that mirrors are all different? The two I use most at my house either make me look larger, or make me look smaller than I really am. The ones at the guesthouse seemed to be pretty true, not distorted. One was on the door of the bathroom, and when you left the door open, you could see the reflection of your back in the vanity mirror. Now this could be a frightening thing, but it showed me that maybe, just maybe I'm not as large and globby as I pictured myself. I will go with that, even if it is a fairy tale.

And of course the campus and hotel were No Smoking. There were signs everywhere. Someone didn't know how to read. Mainly the desk clerk. Although she tried to hide it, when you went in the front door, you had to navigate through a cloud of cigarette smoke. Our floor and room smelled nice and clean though.

It's strange that the attending physician never really told us anything. He always asked us questions and we had discussions, but after he left, SR and I would look at each other and ask what the doctor said about Aunt. He never gave us a diagnosis, never told us what he thought was happening. I supposed that meant he knew the end was near and he wanted to comfort us. Who knows? The Palliative Care doctor was more informative than the attending. He asked a few questions, then agreed that it was time for hospice.

SR and I are beyond tired. But, getting to finally sleep at home, in our own beds helped tremendously. The next few days will be draining as we wait. He is on vacation until Tuesday, so he doesn't have to worry about missing work, while he spends time with her. I will be doing a bit of housework, getting replacement milk and eggs that spoiled while we were gone, and waiting for him to call.

So, now we are up to speed.

Still Here

2010-02-10T14:51:00.001-08:00

I will post soon. Been very very busy, but I'm still here.

Chemo and Shopping

2010-02-04T04:41:00.000-08:00

It's a little after 6:00 in the a.m. and I've been awake for quite some time. Some nights are like that, especially when I've had caffeine during the day. My own blasted fault I suppose. I make poor choices when I'm away from home. Well, I make poor choices at home too... anyway....

Yesterday was a long day away from home. Sister #2 went with me to take Mom to her monthly chemo. There was a moment or two of agony, as they accessed her new port for the first time since it was installed. She said it hurt worse than them digging in her arm for veins. So, the nurse, (who by the way was mortified it hurt so badly) suggested we contact the doctor for numbing cream. Which I promptly did. Next time Mom is to rub the cream into her port area 30 minutes prior to being stabbed. This time Mom got just a little woozy headed for some reason. But, she never got nauseas and was able to go with us to do a bit of shopping afterward.

While she was in the lab with the IV, Sister and I ran out to West Little Rock to J.C. Penney's. I am in such desperate need of clothing, that I decided to bite the bullet and grab a few things. I almost had my Penney's card paid off. Oh well. I bought a pale pink simple pullover sweater with quarter sized while polka dots, a white and bright aqua blue cardigan with a matching shell,

and a v-necked tunic top with a white shell to hide the girls, because it was very low cut.

Since I haven't needed work clothes, and since the last work clothes I had were scrubs, I've been living in stretchy knit clothes that are comfortable for yard work, house work and gym workouts. I've been wearing the same dress outfit to everything. Funerals, church, showers... so I thought I'd best find something else before that one outfit bit the dust.

After that, we went to Hobby Lobby, Garden Ridge, Walmart and Sam's. Sister is in charge of the policemen's charity ball next weekend, and we were looking for supplies and ideas. I'm scheduled to help her with the floral arrangements and decorating. Wish me luck!

It was late when we finally made it home and I was a tired puppy. But it was a good day all things considered.

Age is Relative

2010-02-02T11:41:00.000-08:00

A very sweet thing happened to me today, and it made me think. It made me think a lot. I attended the funeral of an uncle this morning with my mother and one of my sisters. It was my mother's brother-in-law, and although I knew him, he never really participated in any family functions over the years. As we were going down the line, speaking with my aunt and her in-laws, my uncle's sister overheard my mother introduce my sister and me to someone else. I hugged my aunt and spoke to her, and then turned to this sister. I held out my hand to shake hers, but she grabbed me, hugged me and then looked up at me with a beautiful smile and said, "You are a pretty girl." As I was driving back home, smelling her old lady perfume on myself, I thought that age really is relative.

Sometimes I feel young, but I'm not.

I'm 51 years old. Sometimes I want to look younger, but I can't. I can see the wrinkles adding up in the mirror. Sometimes I want to have the energy and life I had when I was younger, but it has slowly seeped out like air from a balloon.

One of my uncle's sisters had to be in her 70s, but she looked like a picture in a magazine. She was absolutely gorgeous, and my mother told us she had been a model in her youth. She was tall and very graceful. Oh, how I wish I could be like that when I'm that age. (Ha! I'll sure never be tall at only 5')

Time marches on, and it takes its toll on all of us. To me, I feel I am beginning to age pretty quickly. To my children, I'm just Mama and one day they will all of a sudden look at me and wonder when I became old.

I wonder how my grandson will see me. I was thinking of my grandmother today too. I made the comment to my sister that she was a pretty woman. If she'd had help with her makeup, she could have been striking. I'd never had that thought before.

Aging is a part of life. As a matter of fact, if you aren't aging, you are dead. Right? Or you have a cracker jack plastic surgeon.

This isn't just about how you look when you age, but how you feel. I'm trying to come to grips with the age thing. It's hard, but there's nothing you can do but accept it and live. If you dwell on it, you make yourself miserable. Today, I was a girl again. And those kind of days are priceless.

The Birds

2010-02-01T11:02:00.000-08:00

During the last ice-capade, I had ample opportunity to birdwatch. I suppose any wild berries would have been covered in ice, so my bird feeders got a good workout.

It really doesn't look to cosy with the icicles hanging, but it was a very popular place. I kept trying to catch a chicadee, but they flit in and out so quickly, I had a very hard time being fast enough. I finally got one this morning.

The Goldfinches must be migrating, because I haven't seen them since last fall. It's all or nothing with them. Lots at one time, then they disappear. We have house finches all year round though, and they are a pretty dark red and brown.

It's very dark, but you can see the red one on the right and the gold one on the left.

Can you find the snowbird in the following photo??

He's hard to spot among all the gum balls. We've swept them up twice so far, but they keep a-coming. Yesterday as I was returning from Little Rock, the sun was shining at times, and the ice on the hardwood trees was glistening like crazy. I wished I had my camera so I could catch that. It looked like a picture on a calendar. Almost all the ice is gone now, and it's a slushy mess in my back yard. We have a lot of work to do now, since all the limbs have fallen.

Water

2010-01-28T20:34:00.000-08:00

I was watching tv and the Brita Water filter commercial caught my attention. I watched as scenes of water flashed and I remarked to SR about how amazing it is, that to us water is so beautiful. All of God’s creations are awesome, but I think water is one of the most lovely. The way the tide flows back and forth, and the undulating waves of light and dark.

www.transportcafe.co.uk

The fizz of a cascade, and the flow of the stream as it tumbles to the edge.

picture coutesy of Brian Kelley

The deep blue of island waters, and the amazing amount of marine life in tide pools.

http://www.scientificamerican.com/

The lazy flow of a small river, winding its way through the rise and fall of banks and trees. The soothing sound of rain falling and the reflection of clouds in a small pond.

Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. Gen. 1:2

…but streams came up from the earth and watered the whole surface of the ground. Gen. 2:6

A river watering the garden flowed from Eden; from there it was separated into four headwaters. Gen. 2:10

And I remembered how God chose to describe the Holy Spirit as “Living Water”…

Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him. John 7:38

http://www.walksydneystreets.net/

Water is beautiful because water is life.

Thursday....Three?

2010-01-28T09:03:00.000-08:00

No, couldn't come up with thirteen things, so I cut it to three. Not much going on around here lately.

1. I entered a Pottery Barn giveaway sweepstakes. I never win anything, but I thought I'd give it a shot anyway.

2. I've been pestering LeLe with questions about the baby's room this week and searching for the perfect fabric to use for window treatments and accessories.

3. I only lasted 25 minutes at the gym today. I normally stay at least 30 and often 40 and 50. Just didn't have the get up and go today, plus the weight machines were overtaken by all the men today. By the way, why aren't they at work????

This and That and Rambling

2010-01-19T08:49:00.000-08:00

I haven't come up with a good post topic, but hated to let the time go on and on without posting something.

Finally got over the illness that plagued me all last week. Thank you Lord. It was not fun.

SR and I ran up to Russellville Sunday to check on the boy child. I say child, but he's 26 years old. He will always be a boy to me though. His hot water tank ruptured and his floors were flooded, so we went to see if we could be of any help. He wanted to replace his flooring anyway, so this was not the catastrophy it might have been. Still, he has a $1000.00 deductible so he may not get much from insurance.

I've had so many projects in my head that I can't focus on any one of them. The biggest problem right now, is not having the supplies I need to actually do them. J decided he wants Mama to sew a quilt for him. And she's all for that, but has nothing to do it with. Nada. I did take some graph paper and draw out three block patterns I want to do. I love old quilts, but the creative part of me won't settle for the simple beginners quilt blocks.

Yes, it's crooked, but I cut them out and taped them together to see how I wanted to place them. And I may have to create three more to make it work. I hope not. I may fall on my face, but I'm going to give it my best shot. I know I won't get it the perfect size, because my blocks are not the norm, so that may be an issue. But, if it's large enough to cover him up when it's cold, that's good enough for me. I made a new friend through Erin, and she is helping me get started on this. I'm so grateful.

I was looking through old photos, because he also wanted one of himself as a little boy. And I found these.

Poor baby had just been through a lot to get here.

He was a beautiful child.

Couldn't post those without one of LeLe....

Ohhh, the memories........ So there is my rambling post.

A New Recipe

2010-01-15T07:17:00.000-08:00

I was cleaning out some clutter from my computer station the other day and came across a little recipe book I bought one day at Walmart. It's Mr. Food Quick & Easy Diabetic Cooking and I thought I'd see if there was anything in there I(we) might actually eat. I found one for a chocolate pie that looked promising, so I tried it yesterday afternoon.

Creamy Chocolate Pie

¼ cup unsweetened coca powder
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
¼ cup sugar
1/3 cup low-fat (1)% milk (I used fat free evaporated)
4 ounces reduced-fat cream cheese, softened (I'll try fat free next time)
1 container (12 ounces) frozen light whipped topping, thawed (I used 8 oz.)
1 9 inch reduced-fat graham cracker pie crust

1. In a large bowl, combine the cocoa powder and oil. Add the sugar and milk; mix with a spoon until smooth.

2. Add the cream cheese and beat with electric mixer on medium until smooth. With a spoon, fold in the whipped topping until well blended.

3. Pour into pie crust, cover loosely and freeze for 4 hours, or until firm.

Servings: 8
Calories: 302
Fat: 15 g
Carb: 35
Sugars: 19

Let me add here that I wasn’t able to find a low fat graham cracker crust at my local Walmart. and that mixing the cocoa until smooth was a job. We all know how it likes to clot up when it gets wet. But, I was very pleased with the outcome. SR and I both think it tastes a lot like chocolate ice cream. Serving suggestion was to add more whipped topping and sprinkles, but I think it was great just like it was. It wasn’t too rich and had just enough zing to it. As you can see below, we took a big chunk out of it last night....well, SR did. I only took a small wedge. He got a good sized wedge and took some for his lunch today.

I can actually catagorize this one as a success! There are some other interesting sounding recipes in this little book, and I'll try them soon. There are also some that I would like, but after living with SR for almost 33 years, I know I would be wasting my time cooking them.

If you try this, let me know how you like it. It's a quick and easy dessert to take somewhere or keep in the freezer for anytime you want a quick chocolate fix.

Not so Hot

2010-01-12T07:25:00.000-08:00

Been a little under the weather the last couple of days. I won't go into boring details, as it's just one of the many things I deal with on a regular basis, but it has laid me a bit low.

Before I started feeling bad, I caught some pretty good shots of my winter birds. I stood at the back door, patiently waiting, still as a mouse. The best shots flew away before my camera could snap, but here are some that made the cut.

I finally caught a chickadee. The little rascals fly down, pick up a seed and flit back up to the trees to eat it. I tried several times to watch for one coming down, to snap early, but this was the only shot I got.

Looks like Jay was picking up anything Rocky left behind.

The cardinals don't usually wait their turn. Doesn't look as though the titmouse is too worried.

This looks more like how the cardinals act. Always fussing and fighting.

I haven't given up on getting a good shot of a chickadee. Wish me luck.

Back to Business

2010-01-09T07:06:00.000-08:00

So, I changed my mind. I know....back and forth, back and forth. I should have thought about it longer before I actually imported to facebook. I never felt comfortable with it, and I should have listened to myself. I will copy and paste some of my posts, but not send every one of them automatically. At least now I know there are a few folks out there who read me and keep up with the goings on around here. Anytime you want to comment, please do. You can email me, comment here, send a facebook message or send a card or letter.

The cold has really messed with my get up and go. After the beginning of the week was so hectic, I needed a day to just relax, but now I feel like a slug. I can't gather any momentum and can't get more done than simply sweeping the floor or dusting the living room. And yes, I'm blaming it on the cold....not on being lazy.

I did print out some patterns from my computer this morning. A couple of baby shoe patterns and a graphic I want to try to re-create for Little Man's room. The first shoes were from http://www.maked.ca/ and the second from http://www.hellomynameisheather.com/ .

www.maked.ca

I do want to say that even though I'm a little off my game this week, I am so thankful that I can choose to dust the living room or not. I can choose to sit on the couch all day long and read if I want. I can print out whatever I can find, sit at the computer as long as I wish, and watch as much HGTV as my poor brain can stand. I can go to the gym, go to Walmart, or go to sleep. I can cook a big supper or open a can of soup. I'm thankful I have a husband who allows me these privileges and is supportive in my staying home. I thank God for it every single day.

Importing to Facebook

2010-01-08T11:09:00.000-08:00

Ok, I am now importing posts to facebook to see if I get any more feedback, and make it easier for some folks to access and read. If you read me here, and want me to add you to my fb readers list, let me know. If you are already on that list, you know who you are. I'll try this for a while and see how it goes. I'm a little uncomfortable with it for some reason. I guess not knowing who is reading what I write, feels less like I'm bearing my soul to everyone. Knowing the ones listed on fb that can read it and might, is strange. Makes me a little more careful about what I might write. I've never been one of those folks who say what they are thinking, naughty or nice, unless it's in confidence.

Show of Hands

2010-01-08T07:48:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking.....been thinking for a while now, about deleting my blog. Or ending it anyway. As far as I can tell, there aren't many folks out there interested, and seldom do I get a comment from more than the same two or three folks. So, as far as they are concerned, I can always just send email to those few folks with whatever I would have blogged.

At first, I was really into this blog thing. I would wake up at night thinking of things to blog about. Sometimes I would even get up and type it out, just so I wouldn't forget it. Now, I can hardly think of anything worth writing. It's like my creative writing bug has died with the winter cold. So, I'm seriously considering ending this.

I would like a show of hands. Anyone who thinks this is worth continuing can let it be known. I know there are probably lurkers out there who never comment, and who won't now, and that's ok. I am a lurker myself, but I always click on the "Follow" button, to make sure the blog owner knows they are read.

I still have Seam Rippers with LeLe, and I can post anything important there. But you know, there doesn't seem to be many folks reading that one either. And I think the ones who do, are more interested in LeLe. That's ok, I don't mind. I'm more interested in LeLe myself. ;)

More of the Same Ole Same Ole Nothing New....

2010-01-07T19:43:00.000-08:00

Other than the weather being freakishly cold, there's nothing new going on.

Aunt is improving and we are hopeful she will go back to assisted living in a couple of weeks. That is our prayer.

Mom received her port yesterday, then chemo. She was feeling ok this morning when I checked on her.

Still thinking about new bedding. I'm thinking I need to stick with a pattern that has dark red, tan, beige, etc. in it because I can't afford to redo the master bathroom too. And since they are connected, I don't want two different color schemes. I found something on the Pottery Barn site that I really like. But, the cost is a real issue, so I might have to look for fabric that is similar and make it all.

I like these two, but also like the fabrics below.

And of course I love me some celtic knotwork.... It also comes in green, which I would prefer.

There are other designs I liked, but didn't want to fill up the entire blog with those photos.
I'll have to make some kind of decision soon, or put it off indefinitely.

Un-Named Post

2009-12-31T09:18:00.000-08:00

I just couldn't figure out what to name this post. So, it is un-named.

Last week, after Mom had her weekly lab testing, we were told she needed a transfusion ASAP. She felt fine, and we couldn't really understand the hurry, but the doctor was pressing pretty hard to get it done, so we went along with it. Instead of just going on up to UAMS like we normally do, we thought (I thought) it would be easier to just run over to Malvern to get it done. Less traffic, less hassle, more peace. Well, that was a big FAIL. What normally would have taken 3 to 4 hours, took from about 12:30 p.m. to 10:00 p.m. They had countless steps they had to go through, being a much smaller hospital, so we learned a valuable lesson.

Mom's platelets are just taking a real beating from the chemo. Even after the transfusion, she still had to postpone her second treatment. We knew this might be an issue, and I discussed it with the oncologist before we even started, and then again with the nurse when she rescheduled the treatment. I don't know how things are going to work out, because she wasn't even able to take the last treatment, last go around due to this problem. God is in control, and I'm not worried, but just curious as to how it's going to play out. Mom, of course, feels fine and refuses to back off from anything and everything she wants to do. One part of me says, "You go!" and the other part of me wants to keep her wrapped up in a cocoon. That won't happen with MY mom, I can tell you that right now.

Auntie is still in the nursing home doing rehab. It's going to be a very very long drawn out thing. At this point, we don't know if she will ever be strong enough to return to the assisted living facility. We really do want that to happen. The local nursing home is good, and I don't criticize it's function or operation. But simply being a nursing home is such a depression thing. I have to make myself go. If I ever have to live in one, I hope to goodness my mind is gone. Because listening to the ones there who aren't happy is heartbreaking.

I keep feeling like I'm in limbo. As if I have to wait until the new year begins to start working on any projects. I haven't been too keen on housework either. And it's obvious by what my floors look like right now. I hope to get back into the groove in a couple of days.

One thing I've been contemplating for a while now, is changing up the decor in my bedroom. I've had this spread and shams for about 6 or 7 years now, and am ready for a change. I just can't really figure out what to do, that will look elegant but not too classy, and have it go with antique furniture.

I'd like to make a duvet cover for my comforter, simply because of the cost. I'd like new shams and pillows, and new drapes. I've decided to make the drapes a different fabric than the shams this time. But don't know what I want. The color of the current comforter is ok, but the fabric is terribly wrinkled and nothing I try makes it any better. I made the mistake of washing and drying it and it came out in terrible shape. I refuse to pay the cost of having it dry cleaned though. I've contemplated making a cream colored duvet and trying to "decorate it up" somehow. But like I said, I just don't know what I want to do. And I don't know whether I want the comforter to have a pattern and the pillows to be solid, or the other way around. I watch the hgtv shows religiously for ideas but so far, I got nothing.

So, I'm open to any suggestions. I've looked online for ideas, but haven't found any that I really like. And I'm a very visual person. I have to see it before I can picture it in my bedroom. Please feel free to offer advice and any ideas you have. I need help.

Christmas 09

2009-12-28T10:16:00.000-08:00

We had a great time together last Saturday. That was when we could all be together at the same time. Lots of good food, although everyone but SR and I had already had our fill of sweet potatoes and green beans. I think I outdid myself on the chicken and dressing this year. Don't know what I did different but it sure turned out good, and it was the only dish with only one serving leftover.

We exchanged gifts and everyone seemed to like what they received.
I'll post a few photos....

I don't know what is going on with the blog thing, but it won't let me post descriptions directly under the photo. So, you'll just have to figure out who is who. Pictures are of J and his girlfriend K, SR, LeLe and Mabe, and SR's parents with J. No photos of me, I was holding the camera.
I wish we didn't have to wait all year for Christmas.

Mission Accomplished!

2009-12-25T16:01:00.000-08:00

SR and I were finally able to relax this afternoon. (Christmas Day) Yesterday, Aunt was moved from Little Rock, to the local rehab facility. We went to make sure she was ok last night, and she was extremely tired, but ok. We went again this morning and she was doing pretty well. And then again this afternoon and she was doing a lot better. We were able to wheel her down to the lunchroom and she was going to eat by herself. What a relief. SR has just about made himself sick worrying about her.

Looks like J will be here tomorrow, unless there is a last minute catastrophe in Russellville. I'm so looking forward to tomorrow afternoon when we can be together as a family with him, his girl, LeLe and Mabe, and of course little man, who can hear but can't see us. I looked at the gifts under the tree so long, I realized there was something just not right. I finally figured out that I labeled one of girlfriend's gifts to J. Glad I found that! Whew! I filled the stockings a little while ago. Yes, they are all grown, but I still fill stockings. And I still make sure I spend the same amount of money on each one, and try to have the same amount of gifts to open. I know it doesn't matter to them any longer, but it's ingrained now, and I'll never be able to stop it.

SR and I drove around Sheridan after we left the rehab place, looking for anything open. The local Day and Nite and Fina convenient stores were open. We stopped at one and got a little snack. I've not cooked anything today but a hot dog in the microwave, and I don't plan to. I'll be doing plenty of it tomorrow. I've been reading on facebook about everyone's celebrations and good eats. I'm so hungry for something good!

Very Strange Christmas

2009-12-24T19:20:00.000-08:00

I've been all fired up about this Christmas. One reason I suppose is because I am no longer tied to work, and could enjoy the process of planning, shopping, and decorating. Another is the excitment of our grandbaby boy. No, he isn't here yet, but I still shopped a little for him.

My two children and their significant others were planning to come on Saturday for our family gathering. That may or may not happen due to J's work. He works as a lineman, and with all the storms, he may have to stay home and be on call, if not go out to restore power to folks. I hope and pray he is able to come and we are able to be together like we want.

We have been so caught up in being at the hospital with Aunt, and we didn't know if she would still be there on the 25th. Surprisingly, this morning we were informed she would be moved to the rehab facility here in Sheridan. We originally planned to spend Christmas day with her in the hospital, so we are kind of lost as to what we will do now. We still plan to go see her tomorrow, but will not be spending a long period of time with her. It's not as easy when you have a room mate, and the staff at the rehabilitation place has an agenda.

Both children were tied up for Christmas Eve and day, so SR and I are resting from the long week. I can't remember a time when there wasn't a plan to go somewhere for a big get together. I spent this day cleaning the house, and then going to help Aunt get settled. Then I was bored. Nothing really good on tv, SR is completely worn out from everything, and I haven't been able to concentrate on a book or project. Tomorrow is Christmas Day, and there are no plans other than the short visit to Aunt's new digs. It just doesn't seem like Christmas to me at all. I see everyone's posts on facebook, and watch all the commercials about it, but it's just not connecting in my brain.

I hope things get back to normal soon. This is just weird.

One of Those Nights

2009-12-22T08:05:00.000-08:00

Ever had one of those nights when things just went a little haywire? I had one last night.

I was able to stay home yesterday, and let the in-laws stay at the hospital with Aunt, but I didn't rest much. I went to the doctor with my Mom, just for routine lab and there were other issues the doctor wanted to deal with, so that was an all day affair on the phone for me. I did some Christmas cooking so I wouldn't have it all to do on Saturday when my kids will be here and we will have our immediate family gathering. Got the dressing and dessert done. Those were the two biggies, so I'm good to go right now.

I rented two movies the other day, thinking I'd watch them on my portable DVD player at the hospital. I watched one, and decided it wasn't a good idea, because I got so involved with the movie, I didn't pay close enough attention to the patient. They were due back today, so I watched one last night. I didn't realize it was past my normal bedtime until SR pointed it out, and I wasn't finished with the movie. So, I stayed up and finished it. I'll review it below.

Anyway, I was late getting into bed, wasn't really resting well with a million things on my mind, but finally did fall asleep. At 12:20 a.m. I received a text message on my cell. I had to read it, because my phone dings every 15 minutes if you have an uread message. Wide awake now, so I took a sleep aide and got back in bed. Hunger pangs kept the pill from working so I got up to get a sip of milk. On my way back to bed, I stumbled over a potted plant and spilled dirt all over my bedroom carpet. I was awake enough to clean it up then, but would have ruined SR's sleep, so I left it till morning. What a mess. It did clean up pretty easily, surprisingly enough, and I moved the plant to a place where it can't be stumbled over again.

I don't know, but the movie I watched might not have been the best thing to watch before bed. It was Seven Pounds with Will Smith. It was a good movie, but very dark and sad. Six people and his wife were killed in a wreck he caused reading a text message while driving. All through the movie you see his pain and self hate, but he is desperately trying to help seven people. He donates money, a lung, part of his liver, bone marrow, his home, and in the end, his heart and eyes to help those seven people he deems a good person and deserving. He sets up the donation of his heart and eyes with a dear friend who knows his plans, then he commits suicide. It was heartwrenching and I guess that was not the best choice for a bedtime story.

I'm staying home again today, trying to rest, and will go back up to the hospital tomorrow. Aunt is much better and we hope she will be well enough to be moved to the local rehab facility soon. I appreciate the prayers of all my friends and readers out there. They are a great comfort to us.

It Continues

2009-12-20T17:54:00.000-08:00

I thought I'd let those who are interested know what is happening with our great aunt. We have spent every day this week at the hospital with her and everyone is very tired. She has a spot of pneumonia in one lung, and they found a little staph in her blood. So, she is on IV Levaquin and another anti-biotic I don't know the name of. Where that staph came from is anyone's guess. I felt she had the beginnings of pneumonia earlier, and expressed my belief to the nurse that she was getting a wet cough , but was shot down. Hm, well I'm not as stupid as I look, eh?

They've had to move her IV several times, and today her arm was so swollen I asked them to do something about it. They decided to place a PICC, which is similar to a central line or port. It is in her arm, just above the elbow, and the line is supposed to travel through a vessel, over her shoulder to her chest, and into a larger vein there. Michelle can explain it better I'm sure, but that's a layman's description. Problem was, her vessels are blocked in places, due to being crimped from age, and other issues, so it took the nurse three tries to actually get it far enough into a vessel to work. It's not over her shoulder, much less to her chest. But, it will allow them to draw blood, and inject medication and hook up the IV, without having to stick her any more. Her poor hands and arms are horribly bruised.

Doing this really threw her for a loop. It hurt, it frightened her, we couldn't be in the room, and she just didn't understand what was going on. She has enough presence of mind that she knows what you are saying, but doesn't always understand it. If that makes sense. I explained why they did it to her twice, but she just didn't understand. I felt so terrible, she was so miserable and frightened, and we had to leave right after that. What she does understand makes her fretful and she worries herself sick about it. She keeps replaying what she has gone through over and over in her mind. It makes her restless at times.

SR and I are so confused. At this point, we don't feel she will be ready to leave the hospital, even if it was to go to a nursing home, for a while yet. We don't know if she is in her last days, or if this is something she can come out of. And I guess we aren't supposed to know, because God has it all well in hand.

Her doctor asks me as many questions as I ask him. He seems to think I have a better understanding of what is happening than he does or something. But, he seems sincere in his attempts to help her recover and is not ready to throw in the towel yet.

I have a feeling that we will be spending Christmas Day at St. Vincent. And if so, that is ok. I refuse to allow her to be alone on that day, and I also refuse to allow my husband to be there without me on that day. This has been the strangest Christmas I have ever experienced, but I know God has a plan and there is a reason. He is teaching me to rely on Him, and trust Him to give us all what we need when we need it. It's kinda hard realizing you are actually living out scenarios that you have only read about or been told about. And you think it won't be hard to rely on God during these times, but it is, and I have to keep reminding myself over and over..... You are God. Work Your will. I trust You. Give us what we need, when we need it. Glory be to God.

What Do You Think?

2009-12-18T18:56:00.000-08:00

Ok, here's the thing. SR's aunt is in a bad way. She's a bit up and down, but more down than up and for a while this week, we weren't sure she was going to make it. Still might not. But, while she was up, she told me about a dream she had when she was so bad. She said every time she went to sleep, she dreamed she was searching for her sister and mother. Both passed on years ago. I asked her if she found them and she didn't. I asked her where she was searching, and she told me she was in a group of people she didn't know. ? ? So...tell me what you think? Hallucination? Near death experience? Near near death experience?

While you mull that over, please pray for us. She is terribly ill and I fear her body is shutting down. The biggest problem with that, is that her mind is still able to function when we interact with her. Some times she seems in a trance, but if you get close to her and talk to her, she will respond normally, and sometimes even seem perky. She is a tough cookie, and very strong willed. She will not go easy into night. Pray that SR and I receive supernatural strength because we are both exhausted and it looks like it will be a while before anything changes.

In a Whirl Wind

2009-12-16T10:18:00.000-08:00

The last several days have been pretty chaotic. SR's great aunt became seriously ill, and was admitted to St. Vincent's in Little Rock for treatment. She is 94 years young, and there are issues with being that age, but this was a serious thing. Fortunately, she seems to be improving and the doctors (there are several on her case) feel it is a result of an antibiotic that was causing her kidneys to fail, and her bone marrow to cease production of platelets. Scary stuff, I tell you!

I've also been on the phone a lot, trying to coordinate all the doctors that are treating Mom for her multiple issues. Her primary care doctor has been seriously concerned with her blood counts. She has begun chemo treatments, and her renal doctor is unreachable. At first we were pleased with the renal doctor. His bedside manner was great, but the more I thought his lack of explanation, and the less we heard from test results, the less enamored of him I became. It's been a month since Mom saw him, and his office has failed to contact us at all about her blood work, or ultrasound on her kidneys. They have also failed to fill a request from the PCP for a copy of the report of her visit and testing. I called and was not able to speak directly to the nurse, but left a detailed voice mail and asked to be called back. No result. Having worked in a medical office, I understand they get behind and are busy. But this borders on rediculous. I am going to call again and see if I can get any result. If not, I doubt we bother with this doctor again.

Mom saw the rheumatologist this morning, and due to the kidney issues, was unable to receive her 3 month Boniva injection. Fortunately, this doctor is on top of things, and requested labs to check kidney function. If those levels are better, Mom can start up the Boniva again in 3 months.

In between calling doctor's offices and going to the hospital, I was able to go with LeLe to the OB's office yesterday. I got to hear the heartbeat and meet the doctor. He seems like a fun guy. (That should make labor and delivery interesting.) I was blessed to be included in the visit and I know her mother-in-law will want the same opportunity. It was a short visit, but important to me all the same. I'm looking forward to after Christmas when I can start focusing on making baby boy things. It makes it a lot more fun to know what gender to plan for.

I was unable to attend my Sunday School Christmas party and I'm sure I missed out on great fun there. But, I hadn't had time to buy the dirty Santa gift anyway, so I guess it's just as well I was at the hospital.

I thought that since I had gotten all my Christmas shopping and sewing/painting done early, the two weeks before Christmas would be relatively calm. It never seems to happen that way. I can't believe it's only a week away now.

If I don't get to post again, let me tell everyone Merry Christmas! I haven't had time to address any cards, so there won't be any this year. I don't normally get but a handful anyway, so I don't imagine anyone will really miss mine. Ha!

Now We Know

2009-12-11T09:22:00.000-08:00

LeLe had an amazing ultrasound yesterday and now we know the gender of our baby. It's a boy!! You can go to her blog and read all about it.

The technology now is simply unbelievable. We are so excited and can't wait to hold the little man. And now we can make better plans for his nursery and wardrobe. It almost makes me wish this wasn't Christmas, so I could start buying lots of fabric and things. But since we've spent more than we ever intended, it will have to wait until we recoup from all the Christmas purchases.

I won't share the baby's name on my blog, until and unless she does on hers first. It's her news to share and I don't want to steal her thunder. It does my heart so much good, to see her so happy and excited. She doesn't always have a lot to be excited about, and I'm so thankful God has blessed her and MK.

MK's Mom and I discussed the possibility of the little darlin' being red headed. Considering there is a bit of red on MK's side, LeLe is red, her father is red, her grandmother is red, her brother is red..... well, you get the idea.

Monday Update

2009-12-07T12:15:00.000-08:00

Another busy weekend. Mom is doing ok, but I can tell she doesn't feel very well. She always denies feeling poorly, but I can see by her movement and her face how she really feels. She's been having a bit of nausea, which is to be expected, and she's having to force herself to eat. She came to Sheridan today for lab work, and wanted a Hardee's Thickburger, so we got her a Little Thickburger and she couldn't finish it. Her stomach is still a bit swollen, but is going down. There's a lot of fluid build up from the cancer, but hopefully it will continue to lessen as the chemo works in her system.

We've been trying to plan a Christmas gathering that won't wear her out. She was in pretty bad shape Thanksgiving and I have been concerned with the crowd that would be at her house and the cooking she will try to do. We've opted to just have snacks on Christmas afternoon, but I'm still concerned about the crowd and what she will insist on preparing. I think I will go early and leave, so there will be less folks at one time. It's what I feel is best, and after getting on my face before God this morning, He is assuring me this is right.

I finished up all the purchases for Christmas so, other than finishing up some sewing and putting money in envelopes, I'm done! Yay! I can really enjoy the next couple of weeks without the stress of last minute purchases.

We find out Thursday what our little bundle of joy is. I can hardly wait! LeLe has been feeling the baby move now, and it's so exciting. Just think, next year, he/she will be big enough to tear the wrapping paper off the gifts and get into the tree. Hot diggity dog!

It Just Keeps Coming

2009-12-03T13:38:00.000-08:00

I thought I would rest today. Ha. Funny that. I felt the deep need to TRY to finish Christmas shopping, gather a few odds and ends, get stuff on the grocery list and do a little (little being the key word) house work. I intended to work out, but there just wasn't enough time, nor energy. So, by lunch time I was already worn to a frazzle.

Then I started trying to work on Christmas plans with the entire Brown clan, and information on when Mom is having a port for chemo, plus the possibility of a wheelchair. So, phone calls and emails dominated. The port will be...how do you phrase that? Installed? Added? Put in?.... on the 30th at 10:00 a.m. When that is finished and she comes around from the anesthetic, she will go on down to the chemo lab for treatment. It will be a very long day. I talked to her PCP about her need to have labs every week to watch her white cell count, and the need for the wheelchair. UAMS is a very large place, and we will definitely need that chair on the 30th.

I kept thinking I needed to rest, but just went right on working on things. When I finally decided I needed to lay down, or fall down, I got on my lovely soft bed and lay my weary head. Unfortunately, the phone continued to ring and so I really didn't get any rest at all. Oh well.

Talked to Mom twice today. She had a rough night, but is feeling a bit better today. Her knees are hurting pretty badly, and she is woozy-headed. She forced herself to eat, because she knew she needed to. I am planning to go tomorrow, to make sure things she needs done, get done, and feed her. I hope to make something for supper tonight that I can take down there tomorrow. I feel torn between needing to be home and needing to be there for her. At least the first few days after chemo. There's just so much to do right now with Christmas coming.

OH! Christmas Tree

2009-12-03T05:24:00.000-08:00

I tried to find a definitive origin of the Christmas tree. There are so many opinions and so much information that I couldn't find anything solid. Wikipedia suggests it was pagan in origin...or started in Germany, or the popular belief with most Christians is that Martin Luther began the tradition with candles on the tree to imitate the stars in the heavens. So, you must draw your own conclusions.

I haven't finished with my tree yet. That is highly unusual, but I intend to do so today, come what may. In the meantime, I will show you two ornaments I made when my two children were very small and I had a band saw and plenty of wood.

I can't tell you how many years ago that was, but the kids were the age the ornaments appear. I'll keep them forever and no matter how my tree is decorated, they will be on it.

Trying Day

2009-11-30T19:54:00.000-08:00

How do I begin? .....

My mother has not been feeling well. She hates to admit it, but fortunately, she had an appt with the oncologist today for a 3 month checkup. She also had an ultrasound scheduled at 9:30 to check her kidneys. My sister and I took her to UAMS for her first appt, then out to Garden Ridge, Hobby Lobby, and IHOP. Then we ran back to UAMS to meet with the oncologist. We though she might possibly have a urinary tract infection. That is what we hoped. Not so. A CT was worked into an already tight schedule in the radiology department, and it was after 5:00 before we left the hospital. We ran out to Sonic to get her a burger, then home. By the time I finally got back to Sheridan, it was only a little while before the doctor called with the results.

Her cancer has returned. It is rather spread out, and the CT didn't show whether it is in the lymph nodes. There is also something going on with her bowels, but I don't know if it's inflammation or cancer. One good piece of news is that the CT showed her kidneys to be fine. Don't know yet what the ultrasound shows. I'll need to call the renal doctor and talk to him about everything.

The treatment will be chemo, and we will find out tomorrow when it starts. The plan is for every 28 days, but considering her blood counts always got really low last go round, it's anyone's guess at this point. I understood the doctor to say she would lose her hair, but Mom understood her to say she wouldn't. I'll have to ask the nurse when she calls tomorrow.

Mom took the news as she takes everything. Just sort of shrugged her shoulders and basically said, "Bring on the chemo!" She is a real trouper and is always optimistic about this. Bottom line is, God will work His will. He is in control. I'm very glad too, cause I'd just mess everything up if I was the boss.

Ode to Joy

2009-11-28T07:15:00.000-08:00

Check this out.

I just had to share, and didn't know how to add video from you tube to my posts.

Enjoy!

Thanksgiving Pics 2009

2009-11-28T07:01:00.000-08:00

We ate too much, laughed too hard, and worked on Mom's house a little this Thanksgiving. It's what we do. Brother was here from Chicago with his daughter and new grandson. We all held the baby as much as possible. Poor little guy didn't get to rest in a bed much.

Little K Man.

Grandpa and K

Great Grandma and K Man

K in the cradle Papa made for his last grandchild.

More of the K man.

Grandma's 2009 Decorations.

Fun in the kitchen.

Isaac's favorite place to be is in the floor.

Some of the grandkids.

Too full to move.

Thankful Four

2009-11-21T07:16:00.000-08:00

Ok, I found this at Supah's blog and decided not to wait till Monday.

1. I've been washed in the blood of Jesus Christ. That fact intitles me to a personal relationship with the Father and I can go boldly to His throne, thanking Him for His blessings and asking for His help. Amen and Amen.

2. My family. My husband has been loyal and supportive for 32 years. God bless the poor man. My children are the joy and light of my life. My extended family is disfunctional, (isn't everyone's?) but they are a comfort to me.

3. My church family. Eventhough I have struggled with joining in, there are people there who consistently try to draw me in, and support me.

4. My day to day life right now is just about what I always wanted. I can stay home and do homey things, craft and sew and cook for my husband. I don't have to get up at a certain hour, be someplace at a certain time, and stay there until I am allowed to leave. What a blessing!!

There are countless other things to be thankful for, but the title was Thankful Four. I can always list more later.... The awesome Thanksgiving food is coming to mind at this point.....I can't wait!

On My Mind

2009-11-20T09:13:00.000-08:00

Check out Seam Rippers to see what I've been up to.

There aren't enough hours in the day to get everything I want to do done. I find that by mid afternoon, I'm so tired my middle back is achy. What is up with that? All kinds of projects go through my head and I just want to do them all at once. I can't remember ever being this on fire for sewing and painting before. Once when the kids were little, I painted almost every day, but I didn't lay in the bed at night thinking of things to do. Maybe after Christmas is over, I'll settle some, because a big part of all this is making Christmas gifts. But then, I'll be consumed with making baby gifts. And you know what? That is ok. I LIKE being this way. It gives me something positive to focus on. I haven't had that in a long time.

In fact, I believe God is answering my prayers with gusto these days. I think I was in the valley of the shadow for a long time, but I'm climbing out day by day. I am more involved in church activities and women's ministry. That was hard for me, as I tend to stand back and only halfway commit to anything. I look forward to our Sunday night Bible studies now, when before I couldn't make myself go to church on Sunday night. I'm enjoying our Sunday school class and the women there. I've been helping with Operation Christmas Child and have tried to be an active helper, not someone who stands on the sidelines wishing there was something I could do to help. It is really amazing how God will bless your efforts, and change your attitude when you are willing to do your part. He can only do what you allow Him to do.

He is also answering some medical issue prayers for me. Nothing major, just little aggravations that He had agreed to lessen for me. I'm still working out, but have come to grips with the inability to lose weight. If I can keep from gaining, I'm going to focus on that and just try to relax about it.

I'm so pumped about Lele and Mabe's baby. I wish she felt better, as she is dealing with constant headaches. Please help me pray about that for her. They are renovating her office at work, and we believe all the dust and debris she is breathing may be playing a role. She is taking a much needed break this weekend and I hope she enjoys her time with Erin.

All this has been swimming around in my head, so that's a load off my mind....

Mom's Visit to the Renal Doctor

2009-11-17T15:04:00.000-08:00

A while back, Mom's rheumatologist did routine lab, and it showed Mom was anemic. She didn't know why, and she suggested we check with the oncologist. Her office faxed the lab results, but the oncologist never responded, so we visited Mom's PCP. She did more labs, and they came back with wacky levels, so she made an appointment for us with a nephrologist at UAMS.

Today we saw a Dr. Shukla. First off, let me say his staff was extremely pleasant and polite. That in itself is unusual. We didn't have to wait long at all for the doctor to come into the exam room. Another nice thing. He was very personable, young, friendly and fun. He read her chart and looked at the faxed labs, before he came to speak with us. I can't say I've ever experienced that with a doctor. Anytime we've/I've been to see a new doctor, they haven't looked at the chart until they enter the exam room. Another point to Dr. S.

He told us that Mom has level three kidney disease. The anemia was an indicator, and she has half the normal kidney function. He was not terribly concerned at this point. But he scheduled an ultrasound of her kidneys and drew more labs and will see what the results of those two are, before deciding how to treat. He told us there are five levels, and she is middle of the road.

I looked online for information and found the first two levels have no real symptoms and are not treated. He also mentioned that to us. Level four begins dialysis. Level five is kidney failure. We are not going to borrow trouble right now, and take it as it comes. He did tell her to discontinue any pain med other than tylenol. The anti-inflammatory meds and pain meds are not good for kidneys and are a real no-no for kidney patients. That is good to know, considering I was born with only one kidney. So, I will try to stop any pain med I might take, and stick with the tylenol.

Her ultrasound is scheduled for November 30. She also has a regularly scheduled appointment with her oncologist for that day, so we will see what her opinion of it all is. I'll keep you posted.

Wrapping....Wrapping....

2009-11-13T11:25:00.000-08:00

Before I go any further, let me state firmly that what I am about to post, is NOT a ploy for kudos, pats on the back, or atta girls. So, please don't make it about that....

Today is the Friday of the month that I help get food ready for our church pantry. There is a serious need with the economy like it is. This morning, I went as usual, but was only able to stay for a short while, because J was coming into town and I didn't want to miss getting to see him. He was running through on his way to the deer camp. (Deer season starts tomorrow in case you didn't know that) If I didn't stop and come home, he would have gone on, and I never know when I'll get to grab a hug, so I left. I felt guilty, but I wanted to see my boy.

After he left, I ran errands, and went to the gym to work out. For the first time ever, there was only me in there. All the men must be on their way to the deer camp too... Anyway, when I got home, I had a message on my voicemail about OCC boxes needing to be wrapped. So, I ran down to the church to grab about 20 of them. I feel better now, knowing I was able to deflect my guilt by helping out with this. So, I find myself tired from all the running around, but sitting at the kitchen table wrapping box after box for some poor child who has nothing.

The reason I tell you this, is because it reminds me of what it really means to "die to self" as we are supposed to do. I recently came to realize what that really was, after years of reading it, being preached to about it, but never really understanding. It means you do something you are too tired to do. You do something you don't really want to do. You do it when you would rather be doing what you want to do. That is picking up your cross. I would much rather be sitting on the couch resting with a good book. Or sewing. But these children have NOTHING. How much trouble is it really to me, to wrap boxes?

I don't know why I felt that I had to post this. Maybe God was prompting me, but I had to stop wrapping and type this out. I just had a need. So, today while the weather is beautiful, and I am free to do whatever I want, and have whatever I need, I am sitting at the kitchen table wrapping shoe boxes. Wrapping.....wrapping.....for a child who will be overjoyed to receive a shoebox filled with God's love.

What Not Wednesday

2009-11-11T06:14:00.000-08:00

Time for another rendition of

What I am not.

1. A Brainiac.
Oh, I'm smart enough to function and I'm not stupid, but the older I get, the less I know, understand and remember. I would really love to be super intelligent. Enough so that I was able early on, to start an exciting career I loved. But, I think I have enough common sense to realize that maybe that wouldn't have made me happy. And God made me like He wanted me.

2. An Early Riser.
I don't do caffeine any longer due to the side effects, but I can understand some folks not being able to function before their first cup in the morning. I have to drag myself out of bed and sit in a stupor for a little while before my body and mind come fully awake. I think that is the biggest reason I don't like working. If I could go in at 10:00 and leave at 4:00 or 5:00, I might be able to deal with it a lot better.

3. Perfect.
I've tried all my life to be perfect. And all my life I've known you can't be. Only our Lord is perfect. But for some strange reason, I still tried so hard that I was miserable a lot of the time. It finally sunk in the other day when I was reading my daily devotional that God doesn't need me to be. He loves me however I am, whoever I am, whatever I am. Yes, I'm to strive to live up to His expectations, but he doesn't expect perfection. What a relief! Now, if I can just keep remembering that....

4. Passionate.
Nothing really moves the earth for me. Many people are passionate about their work, their hobby, their ministry...I'm not. For the longest I have feared there was something wrong with me because of that. But, I'm beginning to understand that I don't have to be passionate. I can be content, I can enjoy things, I can be committed, but I don't have to be so involved, so driven that it's all I focus on. There is nothing wrong with that, and I kinda wish there was something I was passionate about, but I'm ok with it now. And, I have a sneaky suspicion that I will become passionate about a little person who is yet nameless and away from us just now, but loved already.....

5. Entertaining
No, don't place me in the center of attention. I freak. My face, neck and chest get blotchy red. I used to be able to sing at church. I sang in a quartet and duets with my mother-in-law. I can't even stomach the thought now. Stage fright incapacitates me. And in a group setting, if I say much, if everyone is looking at me and listening, I get all flustered and the blotchy plague appears again. At home, if someone is coming over for a visit or to eat with us, unless it's the kids, I feel I have to entertain folks, and am at a loss. I have no idea how to be a hostess. I'm constantly worrying that my guests are uncomfortable or bored. My mind tells me to be myself and just let it flow, but my heart frets. I guess it's because for so many years, SR worked the evening shift and we never had guests unless it was friends of the kids. I got out of practice and never recovered.

Other Stuffs

2009-11-10T08:47:00.000-08:00

Check out The Seam Rippers..... I've been busy. I've been on a mission to get some sewing done. And as I go, I am experimenting and learning. I've also been working on Christmas gifts and am still pumped about all of them. Makes me happy to know I have projects for folks, and the time to actually enjoy getting them done. No pressure trying to get to it after work...:)

SR was on vacation last week and we spent a lot of time just running around. As I posted, we visited the Hot Springs area, we spent some time at the deer camp in Rison, and went to Little Rock one day. It was hard to see him go back to work this morning.

I have an appointment with a new doctor tomorrow. Since my personal nurse practitioner left town, I felt that I just wanted to start over with someone new. It's just a regular medication refill visit, I'll let you know how it goes.

Fall Day Trip to Hot Springs

2009-11-03T19:22:00.001-08:00

SR and I spent the day in Hot Springs and the surrounding area today. We were in search of fall colors and needed to do a little Christmas shopping. We first visited Hobby Lobby, then the mall, and made a little detour through one of the larger antique malls. We intended to eat at Outback Steakhouse, because I never have and wanted to. But alas, it was closed, so we wound up at Applebees. And it was really good food!

I created a slideshow of some places we drove through. A lot of the leaves that were still on the trees were brown, but periodically, we spotted a nice area with more color. We drove up the mountain behind the bath houses, up highway 7, and then explored Glazypeau road.

As we headed out of Hot Springs, we stopped at DeSoto Park and I took pictures of a really beautiful bridge and waterfall. We also stopped at a very small, run down junk store. The owner was extremely friendly, and pointed out a spring that was rocked in, right inside his store. He then showed me the spring in the mountain, behind his store. As we were leaving, he was offering to show others where he dug up a bucket full of arrow heads. I suppose his main objective wasn't to make a dollar. You don't see that often.

We then headed back toward home, via highway 5 and Benton. It was a really beautiful day and we enjoyed it so much.

A Letter to Hal O. Ween

2009-10-31T04:26:00.000-07:00

Dear Hal,

I really don't want to hurt your feelings or cause you any pain. But I feel that I must be honest with you and so I am writing this letter, in hopes that it will cause you to explore your inner self. Maybe you will sift through the seeds of your orange life and come away with an understanding of what you really are.

Oh Hal, you are so very entertaining. I see your withered hand, motioning me closer to the bags of candy at Walmart. I see your dark colored apparel displayed, and your tools of deception and mayhem. We love to be afraid. You love to take advantage of that. It's rather entertaining to pretend we are evil. But, let me ask you something Hal. Do you really truly believe that given the chance, we would want to actually come face to face, with a real live zombie? Why would we want to come within touching distance of a real ghoul, vampire or ax murderer? That is just insane.

You do succeed often in your quest to bring us down to your level. We eat tons of food that is harmful to our bodies. We delight in evil and destruction. And for two or three weeks, we are dedicated to fantasy. Today is the culmination of all your plans. You will be celebrated as countless children go door to door, threatening harm if they aren't given what they want. Countless youth will take sadistic pleasure in the spreading of toilet paper. But....but tomorrow, what will be left Hal? Candy wrappers on the ground. Trees wrapped in white. Deflated pumpkins and ghosts. Rotting Jack-o-lanterns.

Do you feel it? Do you feel the breath on your neck? Yes, you had your day in the sun, or moon as it were, but there is something fast on your heels that will blow you out of the cesspool.......

The Christmas Season. Oh yes Hal. You may have one good day, but Christmas has a SEASON. As soon as you have spent your day of ghoulish pleasure, you are over. But the Christmas season is more than just a day. And this celebration my friend, is one of glory and light and happiness. Would we like to come face to face with an angel? Of course we would. And we all wait for the day when we actually see Jesus! What a celebration!!! You Hal, are about death and unhappiness. Christmas is about joy, peace, expectation, life and salvation. There is no comparison. For the next two months, we will eat, breathe, and sleep Christmas. You are finished. The babe in the manger has overcome. And you know what Hal? A few select folks may think about you from time to time through the year, but we try to think about Christ every single day. We honor Him every Sunday. We live for him. Can you say that? No, I don't think you can.

So Hal. Enjoy your day. Take advantage of your short time. Tomorrow you will be a distant memory.

Friday Five

2009-10-30T07:03:00.000-07:00

1. Rain Rain Rain. Where is Noah when you need him? The amount of rain this year has been unbelievable. I'm not complaining, just stating fact. The forecast looks to be awesome though, so there is hope!

2. My mother gave me a bucket load of fabric on Wednesday. She had two large rubber containers full of the stuff, and allowed me to go through it all and take what I wanted. Ya Hoo! I was afraid she would have some really lame prints, and she did have a few. But for the most part, they are all great for quilting and a couple of baby projects I have in mind. Thanks Ma!

3. I've really gotten excited about sewing and painting again. For the last couple or three weeks, I've been in a slump and not the happiest person in the world. I started trying to figure out how many Christmas gifts I could make, and the creativity began to pour. I have so many ideas in my head, there just isn't enough time to do them all. It's like my brain can't decide what to do first, and if I don't get it all done right away, I'll forget it.

4. My nephew got married last weekend. The wedding was short and sweet and very country. The bride wore old battered boots under her gown. Her toddler niece was pulled down the isle in a wagon. (very cute) The groom and groomsmen wore brown western shirts, wranglers and boots. No one was ushered in except the bride. No wedding march, just country music. Very unique.

5. The Christian mentoring program I have been participating in, is coming to a close. After the first couple of weeks, I could see it wasn't what I thought. I stuck with it, and it got easier, but still didn't seem like what I had expected. Yesterday was the next to last meeting with my mentor and I realized how good it really was for me. No, it wasn't what I'd wanted, but I made a great friend I wouldn't otherwise have made. She and I agreed that it really didn't turn out she was a mentor and I a mentee. It was more like we mentored each other. And that's fine. At this point, I don't feel I need mentoring, but am not ready to be a mentor either. I'll see how it plays out and if the program continues after the first of the year.

Not This Week

2009-10-29T07:21:00.000-07:00

No thoughtful Thursday today. My brain is mush. I haven't slept well in several nights and my entire being is bogged down. I have had little spurts of energy and excitement, but they fade quickly. Last night I got up two times to take more sleep aide, then was awakened by the phone when I was finally resting well. Fortunately, it awakened me from a very strange dream that I was glad ended.

So, no thoughts on this day. Other than fuzz.

I am however thinking a lot about Christmas, but won't post that thought until at least after Halloween.....

What Not Wednesday

2009-10-28T04:48:00.000-07:00

I am not....

1. A Gourmet cook.
I do ok. I can cook beans and potatoes, hamburger casseroles some soups, and even chicken and dressing. A few really good easy desserts, but a gourmet chef I'm not. I can't grill either. I'd like to be able to, but I'm afraid of the fire, and afraid I will ruin a good piece of meat in the attempt. I sometimes think I would like to take cooking lessons, and maybe then I could get my egg whites to stiffen up enough for a pie. I tried a tuna casserole last week. Epic fail. Now, some folks don't like tuna at all, and I have to eat it disguised with other things, but I thought I'd try since it's so good for you. I could barely eat it and SR couldn't eat it at all. We just can't do the cooked tuna thing.

2. Mean.
I like to be nice to everyone if I can. And I like everyone to be nice to me. If you can't be nice, be quiet, pretend to be nice or go away.

3. A shopper.
I can deal with short shopping expeditions if I have something specific I'm looking for, but I can't do the shop-till-you-drop thing. About the only time I can spend more than a couple of hours is when SR and I go to antique malls. And still then, I have to take a break from time to time and I get enough real quick. And I hate grocery shopping with a passion.

4. A Hoarder.
When the kids were small, I did have quite a bit of clutter, but it didn't consume the house. It never really occured to me to get rid of something. When we moved to Sheridan, I had to purge a lot and since that time, I am the purge queen. I want it clean and clear. I want my closet organized. I like chachkey's as much as the next girl, but I don't want them everywhere I look.

5. A Leader.
I'm a darn good follower. I can lead children and I love them, but adults tend to intimidate me. I feel like a child around other adults a lot of the time. That would be a good topic to discuss with a counselor....

Thoughtful Thursday

2009-10-22T06:05:00.000-07:00

Genealogy

I have always been a sentimental person. I have some jewelry that belonged to my great aunt and my great grandmother and I cherish it. One particular broach is a beautiful cameo and it's just awesome. The other pieces aren't something I would ever wear, but they mean something to me and I'll pass them down to my grand daughter if I ever have one. But, I was never really into digging into the past.

My mother-in-law had that drive. While I worked for her at her dress shop, she would have stacks of correspondence and paperwork that she had painstakingly obtained through what was then the only way to get it. Snail mail. She spent hours and hours writing and requesting certificates and documents proving who her ancestors were, where they lived and died and who their parents were.

In my late 30's when I began working at the county library, I caught the genealogy bug. There was one whole room dedicated to ancestral research and I stayed in that room as much as possible. Most folks try to work on one lineage at a time, but I couldn't stick to just one. I searched and dug for every scrap of information I could find on every line I had. I would stay on the microfilm machine for hours.

I now have notebooks full of documentation and information. I desperately need to organize them for future generations. I haven't been able to go very far with some of my lines, but for others I've found someone else who has done so online. It's amazing what the internet has done for genealogical research. One day, maybe my children and their children will be blessed by my research and what I've found.

Amateur Attempt

2009-10-21T11:59:00.000-07:00

Professional, I am not. But I've been very restless the last several days. I can't seem to settle at any one thing, so I walked around my yard taking pictures of colorful flora. These are what I came away with...

They aren't anything to write home about, but it filled a little time. And I love trying to capture God's autumn colors with my inexpensive little camera.

What Not Wednesday #3

2009-10-21T05:44:00.000-07:00

I don't know how many more of these my poor brain can come up with, but here are five more things I am not.

1. Imaginative.
I can't really come up with good ideas. Give me one and I can run with it, but I have a real problem with thinking outside the box. I just have to see it to understand, or use it as a jump off point.

2. Stupid.
I may be naive, but I'm not dumb. I can be fooled, but not because I have no sense. Just because I trust folks and take things at face value. I am not college educated, but I like to think I have a good brain and common sense. I know a little about sewing and painting, and I think I'm a pretty fair hand at the english language and spelling. (I use spell check constantly, because I can't stand the thought of misspelling a word.) I can create a budget and stick with it. I can use tools when needed. If I don't know something, I can sure google it. When I worked at the county library, I was a minor whiz at the computer, but it has passed me by now and I do well to blog. Things change so quickly with electronics.

3. Thin.
I am definitely overweight according to health care gurus. But, I am not globby or unsightly fat. Would I like to weigh 100 pounds again? No, I would look sickly. Would I like to loose 10, 15, 20 pounds? Of course! I'd love to be one of those beautiful women on the diet commercials who stand there in their bikini bodies looking so svelt. Never happen. I'm too short, too dumpy, too old and my body just won't cooperate. And I sure can't get all my meals in the mail. But, at age 51, I'm trying to accept who and what I am, and how I look. Try being the key word here, and it ain't so bad.

4. A Spendthrift.
I don't spend much money. Boy, would I love to, but you can't spend what you don't have. And even when I was working, and had more, I didn't spend much of it. I just learned the habit of saving. Sure is a good thing since I have to really watch the budget now.

5. A Clothes Horse.
I've always cared about how I looked and dressed and never wanted to look like I just grabbed any old thing to put on. But even though I love nice clothes and shoes, I don't buy many. At one time, when I worked for my mother-in-law who owned a dress shop, I had more clothes than I could wear and spent more than I made on them. I look back on that time and wonder what I was thinking. Yes, you have to dress the part when you are selling clothes, but I didn't need all that stuff. I wish I had realized that a few nicer pieces are all you really need. (thank you Stacy and Clinton) Since that time, I usually wear something until it falls apart or is so out of style that it's embarrassing. I frequently purge my closet of things that no longer fit too. I don't hold on to something hoping to get back into it. I only own 16 pairs of shoes, three pair of them are worn out boots. That may sound like a lot to a man, but to a woman, that's nothing. I figured out last Sunday that one pair of shoes is about 12 years old. There are no holes in the soles...ha! a funny... and they are still servicable and not shabby. Thus they are still worn.

Beginning to Look Like Fall

2009-10-19T11:34:00.000-07:00

With all the rain we've had, it's taken a while for the trees around my place to begin turning. I noticed a few turning as I drove up Hwy 270 last Saturday. The mums on my porch are blooming.

The maple tree in my front yard may or may not turn into a flame of color as it usually does, but it's beginning to have some darkness to the leaves...

We usually take an overnight trip in the fall, to see all the leaves, but I doubt we do that this year. I'll miss it.

OCC Kickoff

2009-10-19T06:48:00.000-07:00

Good Monday morning dear readers.

Yesterday our church, First Baptist, Sheridan, kicked off our annual drive for Operation Christmas Child. This program was started by Franklin Graham, in order to reach children all over the world for Christ.

Basically, you take a shoebox, wrap it in Christmas paper, (leaving it able to be opened) and you fill it with goodies. Coloring books and crayons, toothpaste and toothbrush, small toys and stuffed animals, school supplies and anything you think a child who has NOTHING might like. The boxes are then gathered, checked and sent to countries all over the world. You can track your box, and find out where it eventually ends up.

The wonderful woman who heads this up for our church, pointed out yesterday that this is not just about giving a child a Christmas present. It is about SALVATION to that child, and making sure that child's name is written in the Lamb's Book of Life. A video we watched informed us that one box, one little shoebox, was instrumental in bringing two entire villages to Christ. There was also a situation where a child's mother was dying from malnutrition, and somehow, someway an IV bag and money got through the check points and it saved this woman's life. Only God could have done that, as each box is checked four times and this was not something that would have been allowed. Last year we were told of a box that held a pair of shoes. The child that wound up with that box, could not attend school simply because she had no shoes. God is still in the miracle business folks.

This program has touched my heart. So many children are in such need. Yes, we have needs here in the US, but there are so many local programs for us, and nothing for these children in third world countries. I plan to pack boxes for boys from age 10 to 14, since I feel that is what God wants me to do, and I fear most folks would rather pack for ages 5 to 9 since it's a little easier and more fun.

You can visit the OCC Site by clicking on the link above. Search your heart and see if God would lead you to participate in this program. It doesn't take a lot of money, since the boxes are small and the children are happy with anything they get. If you are interested, but don't know what to do, contact me privately and I will help in any way I can.

Smooth and Easy

2009-10-16T09:31:00.000-07:00

I've been wanting a blender for a very long time. I just wouldn't spend the money to buy one, even though they aren't expensive. I found a used one in perfect condition at a local flea market and took that little jem home.

My first try at using it was a success. I wanted a smoothie. So, I broke up a banana, tossed in five or six cut up strawberries, a container of plain lowfat vanilla yogurt and the juice from one orange. Wow! Talk about good! I get my fruits and it's something that seems like a dessert. The next time, I'll make sure to use lowfat, sugar free yogurt. I need to be watching my sugar intake.

I'm going to try to use some pineapple, fat free milk and whatever else I find that's handy the next time. I would love to find some good vegetable recipes to use. This seems to be a great way of getting the food I need, in a form that I can enjoy. And it is a great snack.

Thoughtful Thursday

2009-10-15T06:35:00.000-07:00

GROWING UP A MARINE BRAT

Millington, TN, Camp Lejune, VA, Bethesda, MD, Shreveport, LA, Rison, AR, Oceanside, CA, and Bethlehem, PA.

I can still replay little snippets of memory. Such an innocent time in the life of a child. We were happiest in Shreveport. My mom was especially happy there. I don't think she ever got over leaving. I went to four different schools in LA as we were in transition. And from time to time, we were back in Rison, and I attended school there too. The following are scenes that play in my head when I think back.

Popping hot tar bubbles in the street, with a stick, on a hot summer day in the trailer park.

Having the measles and looking at all the bumps on my arm. I was outside in the side yard of our mobile home.

A very unpleasant visit to the dentist, in which I refused to allow treatment. My mom felt sorry for me and bought me a coloring book on the way home. Much to the aggravation of my Dad. He didn't feel I should have been rewarded for that, but I had been to the dentist so much, my Mom understood that I'd had enough.

Wanting to go swimming but something was wacky with my ear. It felt like a butterfly had gotten in there and was fluttering around trying to escape.

Riding my bicycle through a trailer park singing out that my middle name was Jane and something quirky about Tazan.

Letting another child talk me into taking a shortcut through the woods to school, and winding up late.

Sticking my head out of the trailer door to see a kid from my class, sticking his head out of his car. His mom had hired my mom to do some clothing alterations.

Watching my mom on the phone while hearing that her grandmother had passed away.

Playing tea party with another girl and drinking so much water I thought I would explode.

Climbing the mimosa trees in the back yard.

My first Barbie. She was the one with the short curly blonde hair.

Creating a "spook house" with my brother, in the garage.

Walking home early from school, in the rain because I was feeling sick, and my mom didn't have a car to come get me.

The history teacher assigning us art projects.

Not understanding math.

Wearing my hair flipped up for class photos when all the other girls had straight normal hair. My Mom was really into doing me up like the 50's.

Seeing the Pacific ocean for the first time.

Cooking out on the beach with the girl scouts.

(California was the biggest disappointment. Just not a friendly place for kids. Not on base anyway. The ocean was nice though.)

Ice skating in Pennsylvania, singing "Where oh where are you tonight" as requested frequently by other kids.

Babysitting most of the little kids in our apartment complex.

Being "adopted" by a wealthy older couple who tried to act as grandparents. Pearls given to me by them, when we moved away.

My Dad still feeling the effects of Vietnam.

Seeing Dad in his dress blues and his uniforms hanging in the closets.

Finding pornagraphy in the complex trash bin. Oh my. I received quite an education in PA.

Working with my Dad at "Toys for Tots".

I don't have a great memory. I've lost so many experiences I wish I could remember. But, I am thankful I still have these small videos in my head.

What Not Wednesday

2009-10-14T06:00:00.001-07:00

Here is another installment of what I am not. I don't know how many of these I can come up with, but posting only five at a time helps keep it going. Some are good things and some are not so good, but just the truth as I see myself.

I AM NOT...

1. Aggressive.
I back down in a heartbeat. Any time I've ever come up with an idea of something I wanted to do, that might take a bit of effort, any little negative comment makes me back off. Whenever I've been verbally attacked, I just clam up. I've never thought fast on my feet and can never come up with a defense in that kind of situation. On the positive side of that, it helps me get along with most folks. Someone called me passive aggressive once. Does that count?

2. Mathematically Minded.
Oh, I can add, subtract, multiply and divide, but I'm so very thankful for calculators. I can make change, but am always terrified I'll make a mistake. Numbers just never did compute in my brain. I barely passed Algebra in high school, and even the instructor advised me not to take Geometry. Dealing with money has been a big part of some of the jobs I've had in the past. I always despised that part of it and even decided not to go back to a job that I really kinda liked, mainly because of the big money thing.

3. Inspiring.
I am a good person, and I don't feel like a lesser human being, but I have never really done anything that would inspire someone else. I've not accomplished much in my life that someone else would want to emulate. The only thing I can really claim was worth much, is raising my two wonderful kids. They turned out so great and I did have a little to do with that. It was hard with their Dad working the evening shift all their growing up years. I had to be Mom and Dad a lot of the time, but at least we knew Dad would be there when we needed him.

4. Disciplined.
I have so many ideas in my head that I could do. And I've had so many goals I thought I wanted to meet. Unfortunately, I've never been disciplined or devoted enough to do what it takes to accomplish them. It's like it's just too much trouble, even though I know it would be worth it. Maybe that goes with last weeks number 5, energetic what not.

5. Selfless.
I'm all about me. The purpose of life is to serve God and put him first. I struggle with that daily, hourly, minute by minute. Selfish is my middle name. At least I can admit it. And I ask forgiveness every single day for it.

Halloweenie Thoughts

2009-10-12T07:11:00.000-07:00

I've never really been a big fan of Halloween. Of course when I was a child, I loved the candy, but dressing up wasn't one of my priorities. You just had to do that for the candy.

One year, my mom dressed me as a cat. Uh, well, it was her idea of a cat anyway. With little money, we had to improvise as best we could. Mom had permed my hair to a frizzy wave and it tended to fluff out from my head (not in a good way), so she just put two "pony-tails" on the top of my head where cat ears would stick up. She used makeup to paint a black cat nose and whiskers, dressed me in a black turtleneck and stretchy pants, and pinned some kind of tail she made, from who knows what, on my behind.

The main thing I remember about that particular Trick or Treat trek, was being made fun of. I even remember one older kid asking me if I was SUPPOSED to be a cat. As a child I was rather shy, so I just nodded my head and tried to disappear. I can't remember how my brother was dressed, but I know it was another simple idea from the mind of my mother. He was having the time of his life, because nothing bothered him and his main objective was candy. Period.

That isn't the reason I don't care for Halloween. I wasn't scarred forever or anything. I guess it's fine if you like dressing up and eating free candy. But I have never really gotten comfortable with celebrating ghouls and goblins, devils and ax murderers. I even stopped taking my children to the school Halloween Carnival at one point. I've since mellowed a bit about that. Mostly I think it's harmless unless you really get into the horror and evil of it. I wish we didn't have to go through all the candy, making sure some nut case didn't put a razor or drugs in something.

Wikipedia says Halloween has its roots in the Celtic Festival of Samhain and the Christian holiday of All Saint's Day. It is largely a secular celebration but some Christians and pagans have expressed strong feelings about its religious overtones. I've been preached to about it from former pastors, with their viewpoint being that its origins are pretty sadistic. I don't know, but I imagine if my grandchildren care about it, I will be more of a participant. My children didn't get to trick or treat much, because we lived out in the country, but I did carry them into town once or twice to experience it. It was just easier to buy them a big bag of candy and call it a day. If that scarred you LeLe, please forgive me.

My brother was born on Halloween. We could always tell....... *wink*